The Greatess Bond ...

I have found that a deeply personal issue can create wonderful relationships. This happens all the time for me at my 12 step meetings. When I see a new person who is struggling with booze and other addictions, I can relate at a seemingly microscopic level.

Yesterday, I found that this deep bond can also happen when I meet other "monster slayers". That is, other cancer survivors. Over the past few months, I have met a friend from Alberta through e-mails only. He had the courage to initiate a relationship with me. This has been a gift to me. I think it is a way the Big Guy works through people. His e-mails and his rigorous honesty were words of inspiration and hope when I needed them most. During my trip to Saskatchewan with my son in April, I received a e-mail from him when I was in North Bay, Ontario. I was depressed, tired and had very little hope. When I read his note on the Blackberry, it was like someone gave me a shot of adrenalin; I was revived.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to me this wonderful gentleman in person. I never heard his voice and I never seen his face, but when we met, we were instant brothers of the spirit. A 15 minute coffee break took an hour. It was the one of the best hours I had since March 12th. Thank you DB.

I wonder?

I wonder if we intuitively know when we are ready to graduate from our physical state into the world of the spirits?

I was thinking about this question as I walked around Lake Banook this morning with Max and thinking about my good friend Mary who passed away this past Sunday. She was a special farm girl from PEI that I am grateful to have met. I actually "adopted" her a mother figure during my time in Nova Scotia and this goes back to 1998. She kept me on the straight and narrow and always had some wise words for me. Like "get over it" and "go to meetings". She knew how to see through me and ask probing questions that impacted my soul.

Two weeks ago on September 10, I went to one of my meetings in downtown Dartmouth. I was a bit late entering the meeting, therefore I decided to stay for the entire meeting which lasted an hour. Just after 1:00 pm, I left the meeting and as I was walking back to my office, I heard my name. I looked around and then inside a parked car. There was Mary.

I went over to say hi and get a hug. As we chatted, she told me see seen me rushing to the meeting and wanted to talk to me. She waited for almost an hour for me to finish my meeting and watched for me as I left. She wanted to see how I was doing with my radiation sessions and she wanted to show me some pictures of her daughters and her pride and joy; her granddaughter. She was so proud of her family.

I have wanted Mary meet "A" and since I moved to Nova Scotia 4 years ago, I always wanted to take Mary for a fish and chips lunch . My Mom loved fish and chips.

It was a date. On Tuesday, September 18 we meet at Wraf Wraps for lunch. It was a great fall day and lunch was wonderful. We laughed and had our pictures taken together.

Yesterday, I had a "pulling" urge to go to my noon meeting. I am so glad I did; I found out Mary left us. I was able to chat with Mary's daughter's yesterday afternoon at the funeral home. Through my tears, I told them I loved their mom; a beautiful farm girl from PEI. I think Mary knew she had to say goodbye when she waited so long in the car for me two weeks ago.

I will miss you my friend. I hope you can meet my Mom. Please come visit me in my dreams.

Harvey

Hugs and kisses to our good friend Mary

HARRISON (Evans), Mary E.HARRISON (Evans), Mary E. - 63, Halifax, passed away at home suddenly on Sunday, September 23, 2007. Born on Afton Road, P.E.I., she was a daughter of the late Thomas and Agatha (McGuigan) Evans. After graduating from Prince of Wales College, Mary began her career as a teacher at Glenroy School in Scotchfort, P.E.I. In her 20s, she moved to Halifax and served several years in the Royal Canadian Navy, after which she dedicated her life to raising her girls. Later, Mary was employed at Metro Drug Dependency (Detox) as a counselor for many years. She was passionate about helping those with drug and alcohol addictions. A very long-time "friend of Lois", she invested much of her time and energy in fellowship. Her optimistic spirit, resounding strength and generous nature will be missed by all. Mary was the beloved mother of daughters, Tannis Harrison (Claude Eddo), Halifax; Shauna Rae Saroufim (Marc Saroufim); granddaughter, Vivian Esther Saroufim, Ottawa. She is survived by sisters, Viola (Dick Murley), Lillian Mitchell (Leonard MacDougall); brothers, Jim, Walter and Jerry, all of Prince Edward Island; and her nieces and nephews. Visitation will be held 2-4 and 6-8 p.m. today in J.A. Snow Funeral Home, 2666 Windsor St., Halifax. Visitation will also take place 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. Friday, September 28, in Hennessey Funeral Home, 35 Longworth Ave., Charlottetown, P.E.I. Funeral mass will be held 11 a.m. Saturday, September 29, in St. Bonaventure's Parish, Tracadie, P.E.I. Donations in memory of Mary may be made to Marguerite Centre, P.O. Box 1, Lakeside, NS B3T 1M6. E-mail condolences to: condolences.snow@ns.aliantzinc.ca Mother, we will always, love you up to the moon and back and all around the stars.

I am a lucky man!

This morning my radiation session was scheduled for 7:15 AM. Very early! It meant leaving the house in Dartmouth just after 6:00 AM.

What made me feel lucky this morning is that my "A" decided to come with me. She didn't have too, but she came none the less. She got ready before me, didn't complain, smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. We had some laughs at the Cancer Clinic and I felt on top of the world.

It doesn't get any better than that!

Thanks "A".

Week #2 - Under the popcorn machine!

This morning I had my 6th radiation session at the Dixon Center. It is starting to become a routine of sorts. I get to the Clinic early and 1/2 before my appointment I drink my water to get the bladder full and wait for my name to be called.

There are 4 radiation machines at the Clinic and they are busy from 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM. I understand there are approximately 150 people treated every day for cancer. Obviously, the disease is non-discriminatory and doesn't show favorites. Its impact on people is far reaching.

As I lie under the machine and wait as the radiologist technicians align me to the laser beams, I am pray quietly in my head. I pray for myself and ask God to remove any resentments I have. I am trying so hard to make sure that all negative energy in my mind and body are gone. This seems to be a hard thing to do some times but the Serenity Prayer is a wonderful tool.

Last week, I had the first of my weekly meetings with my Oncologist (Dr. H). The meeting didn't take long. He just wanted to make me aware of the side effects I should be encountering this week ... diarrhea, nausea and tiredness. Dr. H's radiation strategy is to "zap" me 23 times in my entire pelvic area and then the final 10 sessions will focus on the "prostate bed" area. Apparently radiation is very hard on bones, so thus the limitation to 23 sessions of the pelvic bones. Dr. H indicated this treatment is a proactive strategy to eliminate any possible microscopic traces of cancerous cells that may be present. "The radiation should get them all". I like this statement, however, I wish he would have said "will" instead of "should". Like any good doctor, nothing is guaranteed. So be it. I am happy I decided on this "extra treatment and precaution".

The most interesting information I received from Dr. H was the viewing of my pelvic cat scan diagram. During the past months, I could feel an occasional tugging and pulling within my belly. Sometimes there was a sharp pain but mostly it was a gentle tugging. Now I know why. Dr. H showed me that I had between 40 to 50 metal clips installed during my surgery. The cat scan looked like a "shot gun" blast of pellets in my belly. There were a lot and I am surprised I have gotten through airport security without problems! Apparently, every time a blood vessel was cut during surgery, the good doctors installed a clip to stop the bleeding. Now I know why I lost 2 litres of blood! Good to know the surgeons knew what they were doing.

So will continue on with my radiation sessions and pray those invisible beam will get all the "nasty's". It will also give me an opportunity to think about my wonderful grand kids! I can't wait to see them again.

What's this ... a little dribble?

I am not sure what happened yesterday but I experienced something that was a bit embarrassing. I pee'd my pants! It wasn't a major issue and hardly noticeable but it happened. This type of event sure has the ability shake confidence in me. I was a bit stunned when I picked up my co-worker friend in Halifax yesterday to give him a tour of the great cities of Halifax and Dartmouth.

I am meeting with my radiologist oncologist this afternoon after my treatment and I will ask if this issue can be caused by the treatment. "A" tells me that her research say it can happen but I am surprised it is happening so quickly. Oh well, this is yet another helping of humble pie. This is one of the great things about the past few months ... I am hoping I have become a better person because of this opportunity to practice this precious commodity.

The Best People in the World

Above the doors of the Dixon Center at the VG Hospital, it says "NS Cancer Clinic". Every time I see that description I am snapped out of denial and into the world if reality. As I walk through these special doors, I realize I am dealing with "something" that is not to be fooled around with. The people that are there are just like me and are fighting their own monsters and dealing with their own new fears. They are scared just like me. I can see this fear in people's faces and eyes and I am sure they can see the same in my eyes.

There were all types there and some showed signs of the radiation treatments. One person looked like she had a very bad sunburn around her neck. It sure didn't look very comfortable.

I was glad "A" came with me this morning. She had a chance to look at the big "microwave oven" that I have to lie in. It sounds worse than it really is. So far there have been no side effects but the good ladies who operate the machine told us, I can expect these in a while.

Back to the sign above the door; back to reality. Cancer is cancer and it is the most feared "c" word in the english language. I wanted to acknowledge the feeling I get when I talk to the radiation technicians, the adminstration staff and health professionals I have seen so far. I am not sure where and how the Capital Health District finds these personality types but they are in the right profession. Their empathy is wonderful. Everyone I have met so far has made me feel I am special and human. They are not scared to touch me because I have the feared "c" word; the monster. They almost care too much. So far, they make the treatments seem normal. That is a hard thing to do. To my new friends at the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic, I just want to say thanks ... you are live savers!

One down ... 32 left to go ...

Today was the first day in the micro-wave; that is, the first day of radiation treatment at the Dixon Center at the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic in Halifax. The day started out at 6:00 am and finished about 10:30 am. Although the time in the "microwave" is short, about 10 minutes, time goes by quickly waiting for things to happen. I had to drink 2 cups of water before the treatment to make sure my bladder is full. I also have to make sure my intestines and colon are empty. Both these procedures are very important to ensure that radiation side effects are minimized. I am told the side effects occur towards the end of the second week and include frequent visits to the bathroom.

Once I was called into the room, the procedure is quite simple. Take off your shoes, lie down on the table, pull down your pants, don't move so we can line up the marks, then stay still. The machine will move around you and radiate your pelvic area from four different sides; the back, each side and the front. It sounded to me the actual radiation is about 30 seconds per shot. So far, the most painful aspect of the procedure is the pain of the full bladder. I guess I shouldn't have had 2 cups of coffee before I went to the hospital!

Maybe we sell the house today?

This afternoon, "A" and I are having another open house to see if our Nova Scotia property would be of interest to someone. Maybe today will be the day?

The reason I say this, is because I woke up this morning (thankfully) and went downstairs to begin the day. I am not sure what happened during the night, maybe Max had a party, but the couch was pushed away from the wall. I went to push it back and I was surprised to see a toonie on the floor. Coincidence? Maybe? But maybe, it was Dad coming to say hi and tell us today will be a good day.

Regardless of the outcome, it was nice to think of Dad. I miss you; your son.

Back at Work

During the past couple of weeks, I have been back at work to help out as best I can with projects, reestablish contacts with friends and clean out my office. It was a week of laughs, old memories and crystal ball gazing. Living in Nova Scotia during the past 4 years has been chapter of my life that I am grateful for. I always wanted to live in the Maritimes ever since I seen the map of Canada that hung on a wall of the country school I attended in Saskatchewan. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, it was a dream come true.

I have been fortunate to have worked with a company that had first class people. When we started this work in 2003, all we had were committed people, a common vision and a few credit cards. With that, we actually started a gas company! Well there was a little more than that, but not much. Working with talented people is a real treat.

One of my fears when I moved to Nova Scotia in 2003 was my ability to maintain my sobriety. I didn't know for sure if I could keep my lips away from the magical drink!

I read the comments from a friend of mine in one of my previous blogs. You are right Ken; I don't know why you and I were given this gift of Grace but I am grateful for it. I also know that if I continue to share my experience, I get a chance to stay sober. When I look at the past couple of months, I would like to think I have done this so I could continue to earn my sobriety. If you would have asked me before I arrived in Nova Scotia (in 2003) if I could stay sober during a "monster scare", I would have said ... "I am not sure". But I have.

As the "Anchor" continues to tell me ... "It's One Day at a Time". This is one of the greatest strategic statements ever (especially for person like me). I find it a challenge to live 100% in the now, but thank God I can live this way (with the help of my friends).

Next Monday, I start the 7 week radiation treatment session. Another opportunity to practice One Day at a Time!

Radiation Treatment start September 17

On Friday afternoon, I received a call I have been waiting for. The Dixon Cancer Clinic called me and confirmed I will begin my radiation treatments on Monday September 17 at 8:30 AM. This will mean I will need to make a trip over to Halifax early in the morning and since this is rush hour I will need to take this into account. Don't want to be late.

I am all "marked" up and ready to for treatments. The therapist told me I will have to get ready for the treatments. This will involve drinking 2 glasses of water 1/2 hour before the radiation treatment. I will also have to make sure I do my "number 2" before the session, so I will have to take a tablespoon of Milk of Magnesia the night before to make sure this happens.

From the friends who have had similar treatments, I understand that one gets into a routine with this treatment schedule so the 7 weeks should go by quickly. I also understand there can be some side effects including nausea, internal burning, irritation of the bladder and bowels. All this can cause some uncomfortable issues, however, the side effects differ between people. So we will see how I react. I am sure most of the fear is self centred and imaginary; I will be OK.

I am looking forward to getting this done. The sooner this happens, the sooner I can turn this chapter of my life and begin a new one. It has been quite a ride in 2007!

I'm here for a good time, not a long time ...

As a result of my delay in radiation treatment, I have decided to return to work and begin the process of cleaning out my office and helping out as best I can. I will have a couple of weeks of working with the best bunch of ladies and gentleman I have every had the pleasure of working for and with. If our team could participate in a "Stanley Cup" for the type of work we do, I am sure we would have a good shot in winning. I have been honored to be part of a high performing team.

I will attempt to continue my blogging during the weekends until my therapy starts. Not that anyone is interested, but I will probably like reading these words sometimes in the future ... when I am REALLY old!

Gido

Living a dream ...

This past weekend was a good one.

Labour Day; a time to think about priorities, both personal and professional. I have been very lucky in my past and have been grateful for the experiences thus far. I am not sure I have shared this story but I will once again.

I grew up on a farm that was located 30 mile west of Yorkton, Saskatchewan. It was an interesting time and this period of my life certainly shaped me in many ways. For example, I didn't know we were poor until I started going to school! There was nobody to compare to.

I didn't know there was a big world out there, until I started attending the one room school called Nanton. I spent 4 years in that school until I started making a 1 hour bus trip to a bigger school in Willowbrook.

The 4 years at this small prairie school played a part in my current destiny. There was a map of Canada on the wall. This map was magical. I went places and dreamed of working in exotic places like Halifax, Dartmouth and Charlottetown. I wondered what the people were like. These places seemed a million miles from where I was and they where if you lived on a small farm.

When I was in high school, I dreamt of building "things" and being involved in projects. I liked traveling and meeting new people. This was one of the reasons I went into engineering. The other big reason I took engineering classes was because I didn't want to be "stuck" on the farm. I needed to go somewhere.

Fast forward 40 years. Here I am; in Nova Scotia. I am leaving a place I dreamt of. I found the people wonderful and kind. The province is beautiful and exciting. I am leaving the work I wanted to do. Leaving is much harder than I thought it would be. However, I am lucky once more. My destiny is taking me back to things that are most special to me; family, friends and new career that can have a big impact on lives of employees.

I have been fortunate to be working for one company. I am in my 29th year and during this time I have had 8 different careers. What a blessing.