This weekend I am all along (kind of). My "A" has returned to the Land of Lobster to run in the Bluenose Marathon. She was really excited because my first born was also going to be there. I am so glad for them.
As for me, I feel lonely, just lonely. I miss my mate. Being together for 30 years (holy smokes ... 30 years) has to make a person feel lonely, right? Well I do. On the bright side, I have 2 roommates with me; my Dustin and my Demetrius. We had a sleep over last night; just boys ... no girls allowed and it was fun.
I have to go my meeting in a few minutes, so I better get ready and call my son. I wish Demetrius would start talking instead of pointing and grunting. Oh well, soon enough. I am sure once he starts, he will talk up a storm.
Gido
P.S. Hi "A", hope you do well in the Bluenose!
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Dear Blogger ... another goose egg
On May 13, I had my one year follow-up checkup with Dr. V at the Allan Blair Cancer Clinic. PSA was <0.1;> was completely successful. Of course, this was great news. Next visit at the Allan Blair is in the fall.
However, as with any good doctor, my Oncologist, the good Dr. V indicated, it is not a 100% guarantee. There still may be a stray prostate cell in my body and it could cause problems in the future.
She also told me I should get a colonoscopy done (as a precaution). This is to test my colon. Another issue to fret about. So I will ask my family doctor to arrange this next test. It sucks getting older.
I have come to realize again that having done battle with the monster has it's benefits; I am more cognizant of the 24 hours in front of me. I really try hard to enjoy each day and I enjoy relationships. On Tuesday evening, I had the good fortune to visit with my cousin from Australia and her husband. They were in Saskatoon visiting. I went over for supper and had a wonderful time chatting and living old memories.
Best part was talking to my Aunty Anne and Uncle Joe. Aunty Anne "went back" 50 years as she told a story about me and my cousin. I was in a crib crying. "I remember it like it was yesterday" she said. What a wonderful memory for me because I could see the smile on her face as she was telling the short story. It was if we went back in time. I knew this was a good memory for her and I was part of that memory.
And for my Uncle Joe. I sat beside him, making sure my hand was touching part of his body. I wanted to be close to him because he and my Dad are brothers. When I hugged him, I made an effort to "feel" my Dad through Uncle Joe. I did. It gave me a sense that I will be OK. Uncle Joe is special to me because he always was kind to me. He was a great mechanic and he spent time with me a long time ago helping me fix a special snowmobile. I enjoyed that time so much. He made me feel special and grown up, even though I was 14 at the time.
As I Uncle Joe and Aunty Anne, I hugged them as they went to bed. I can't remember hugging them in the past but I am sure glad I remember hugging them on Tuesday night.
Thank you Cecile for creating the opportunity! I so enjoyed the evening.
However, as with any good doctor, my Oncologist, the good Dr. V indicated, it is not a 100% guarantee. There still may be a stray prostate cell in my body and it could cause problems in the future.
She also told me I should get a colonoscopy done (as a precaution). This is to test my colon. Another issue to fret about. So I will ask my family doctor to arrange this next test. It sucks getting older.
I have come to realize again that having done battle with the monster has it's benefits; I am more cognizant of the 24 hours in front of me. I really try hard to enjoy each day and I enjoy relationships. On Tuesday evening, I had the good fortune to visit with my cousin from Australia and her husband. They were in Saskatoon visiting. I went over for supper and had a wonderful time chatting and living old memories.
Best part was talking to my Aunty Anne and Uncle Joe. Aunty Anne "went back" 50 years as she told a story about me and my cousin. I was in a crib crying. "I remember it like it was yesterday" she said. What a wonderful memory for me because I could see the smile on her face as she was telling the short story. It was if we went back in time. I knew this was a good memory for her and I was part of that memory.
And for my Uncle Joe. I sat beside him, making sure my hand was touching part of his body. I wanted to be close to him because he and my Dad are brothers. When I hugged him, I made an effort to "feel" my Dad through Uncle Joe. I did. It gave me a sense that I will be OK. Uncle Joe is special to me because he always was kind to me. He was a great mechanic and he spent time with me a long time ago helping me fix a special snowmobile. I enjoyed that time so much. He made me feel special and grown up, even though I was 14 at the time.
As I Uncle Joe and Aunty Anne, I hugged them as they went to bed. I can't remember hugging them in the past but I am sure glad I remember hugging them on Tuesday night.
Thank you Cecile for creating the opportunity! I so enjoyed the evening.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
"I have one year left to live"
Those were the words I heard at the conference yesterday. I sat in on a presentation by the Chief Psychiatrist of Alberta in Banff. His presentation was OK; his slides were his speaking notes and he spoke with a monotone voice. I was kind of falling asleep when I heard him say "I have only one year to live".
He was speaking about a cancer patient he met last year. He went on to explain that his patient went on to "beat cancer" and is now doing well; he will live longer than one year. This patient then went on to explain to the good doctor that he was lucky when he was originally told he only had one year to live. The patient told the doctor that everyone, at least once in their life time, should be told that they only had a one year to live. It is a gift for living.
When the doctor told is that story, I think I had a small spiritual awakening. I felt lucky to have gone through my experience with the monster last year. I felt alive and so sensitive to the spiritual world. I told the Big Guy this morning that I am grateful to be alive. I am trying to enjoy every day.
Lets see what happens!
He was speaking about a cancer patient he met last year. He went on to explain that his patient went on to "beat cancer" and is now doing well; he will live longer than one year. This patient then went on to explain to the good doctor that he was lucky when he was originally told he only had one year to live. The patient told the doctor that everyone, at least once in their life time, should be told that they only had a one year to live. It is a gift for living.
When the doctor told is that story, I think I had a small spiritual awakening. I felt lucky to have gone through my experience with the monster last year. I felt alive and so sensitive to the spiritual world. I told the Big Guy this morning that I am grateful to be alive. I am trying to enjoy every day.
Lets see what happens!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Today in Banff
I am fortunate, once again, to be in beautiful Banff. I just got back from one of my meetings at the Banff Hospital. It was a great meeting with close friends that I never met until tonight. We chatted about our journey's in sobriety and I remembered the various times when I was in Banff.
In 1983, I was in Banff to attend a 2 week engineering training session. It was a good course however, I don't remember too much because I was still drinking. At that time, a bottle of rye a dry was the norm for me. All I remember was feeling very, very lonely.
Fast forward 7 years to 1990 and I was in sober. Shortly after I was confronted at work, I had to go to Banff for a course once again. But this time, I was sober and attending my 12 step program. The loneliness was not there anymore. The same was true tonight. I am missing my "A" but I not lonely.
Hopefully next trip both "A" and Max can come with me!
In 1983, I was in Banff to attend a 2 week engineering training session. It was a good course however, I don't remember too much because I was still drinking. At that time, a bottle of rye a dry was the norm for me. All I remember was feeling very, very lonely.
Fast forward 7 years to 1990 and I was in sober. Shortly after I was confronted at work, I had to go to Banff for a course once again. But this time, I was sober and attending my 12 step program. The loneliness was not there anymore. The same was true tonight. I am missing my "A" but I not lonely.
Hopefully next trip both "A" and Max can come with me!
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