The Last Day of 2007

I thought it would be appropriate to end the year with an entry into this blog. Now that life is coming back into some degree of normalcy, I have not been as regular with my entries. I will try and do at least 2 entries per week and maybe use a little more graphics and pictures to make my points.

What a year! 2007 will go down into my books as a very good year even though I have battled another monster in my life. Looking back a year ago, I had an "internal sense" that 2007 would be a challenging year because I knew I was scheduled to see a Urologist in January 2007. My family doctor told me not to worry about my elevated PSA score. He was just sending me to his friend and colleague as a precautionary action. Boy am I glad he did!

By February I had a biopsy; on March 12 I was told I had an aggressive type of prostate cancer and on April 25 I was "gutted" (a.k.a. radical prostatectomy). Then recovery and this blog. In 2007, I am grateful for the following:

1. My "A"; she was stronger than I thought she would be. She has stayed with me through this terrible roller coaster ride and actually moved back with me to Regina. I know she didn't want to leave Nova Scotia. We will move back someday (if you want). I promise.

2. My 12 Step Program, the friends in Nova Scotia and the friends in Regina made me feel "not alone". I became closer to GOD because of the Program. I Heard his Wisdom through the voices of the friends of Bill W and through the voices of my co-workers in Nova Scotia and Regina.

3. My doctors in Nova Scotia and in Regina. Thank God there are individuals who have the talent to heal and be friends as well. I will forever owe my life to 3 doctors in Nova Scotia; Dr. G., Dr. B. and Dr. R.

4. My family, my Winter,my Justin, my HarveySon, my Gloria and especially my grand kids ... my Dustin, my Boh, my Demetrius and my Aaliyah. I want to watch them grow up and I want to make special memories with them. They give me a chance to be the best person I can be and I don't want to blow that.

5. My four legged friends, especially my Max. His companionship during my physical recovery was unconditional. He was always a friend. He sensed when I was sad and tried to make me feel better by encouraging me to go for a walk around Lake Banook. He lessened my fears by sleeping with me and snoring. His snoring was sign to me that everything would be OK; just relax a bit "Dad".

6. Finally, my employers. The benefits I have received are second to none.

That is a pretty good summary of my existence for the past year. I am sure I will look back on this entry with fondness and warmth.

Thank you 2007!

From The Desk of COOKIE “Monster”

The 2007 Update – Merry Christmas & Happy New Year

Dear Family and Friends,
Seasons greetings from the flatlands of Saskatchewan; we are no longer Bluenosers! What a year of highs and lows. We hope this letter finds everyone in good spirits, in excellent health and a little bit richer than last year. I apologize for being a little late this year but as you will soon find out, I have some very good excuses.

What can I say? 2007 has been a good year for all of us in our home and it was exciting. We cats (Isis, Chloe and I) had to take another plane ride this November as we found out we had to move back to Saskatchewan. It seems like the 4 year placement for Harvey Sr. to Nova Scotia ended just as quickly as it started. It was the summer of 2003 when we arrived in Nova Scotia and now we have returned home to Regina. The experience in Nova Scotia was absolutely wonderful and both Angel and Harvey Sr. feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to live in the wonderful province of Nova Scotia. They met so many good friends, had great working careers and seen so much of the Maritimes. They both feel like they have two homes … one in Saskatchewan and another in Nova Scotia. However, I really hope he doesn’t move again for a while. Air travel doesn’t thrill us cats!

We had another exciting start to the New Year. On January 3rd, 2007 Aaliyah Diamond was born in Halifax. The proud parents, Gloria and Harveyson and Grandmother Angel were surprised and overjoyed that “he was a she”! Everyone thought that another boy was on the way but when Aaliyah arrived on the evening of January 3rd, everyone was in tears when they knew that a new baby girl arrived. I am sure Grandma Angel will spoil Aaliyah rotten in the future. New dresses, new shoes and a diamond or two will probably be in store for her in the future.

The return to Saskatchewan for the family actually started in early 2007, when Harvey Jr. was offered and accepted a new job in Saskatoon in early April. Harveyson had to be in Saskatchewan later that month and he had to take the car back to Saskatchewan. It was decided that he and Harvey Sr. take a cross Canada road trip. It was an excellent time even though they made it back to Regina in record time. It only took them 2 ½ days even though they stopped in Ottawa to see Winter, Justin and Boh! Harvey Jr. will continue to work in natural gas construction. In September Harvey Jr. moved from the Saskatoon office to the Regina office. In July Gloria, Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah traveled back to Saskatchewan from Nova Scotia. Harvey Sr. accompanied everyone on this trip once again and took the time to look for a new home for us in Regina. And what a home he found! It is a beautiful house in northwest Regina that back onto a park. It has new hardwood floors and a large basement for everyone to enjoy; more on the new home later.

Winter, Justin and Bohdan continue to make Ottawa their wonderful home. Angel, Harvey Sr. and Max went to Ottawa 3 times in 2007. The first was in early April to celebrate Boh’s first ever birthday. It was a great time. Gido (a.k.a. Harvey Sr.) worked hard with Justin to install a new patio door for Boh and Winter to enjoy during the summer. Grandma Angel and Gido returned to Ottawa in August to baby-sit Boh and then once more in November, just in time to watch the Saskatchewan Roughriders beat the BC Lions to get into the Grey Cup. We all know who won the Grey Cup this year, don’t we? The Cup looks good with Green.

For Angel and Harvey Sr. the decision to move back to Regina was a difficult one, however, it was made easier on March 12th. That was the day that their lives changed forever; that was the day that Harvey Sr. received a call from his doctor to tell him he was diagnosed with an aggressive type of prostate cancer. It was a complete shock! After all the tears and after wiping away the heart stopping fear, both Angel and Harvey Sr. realized they were really blessed to be in Nova Scotia to face this illness and to recover from its cure. Harvey Sr. had the best doctors, urologists and nurses in North America looking after him. On April 25, Harvey Sr. had an extra radical prostatectomy to remove the cancerous prostate gland. Since that day he had been on sick leave and worked hard to recover from the side effects. All spring, summer and fall, Max (the yellow lab) and Gido walked and walked and walked around Lake Banook and Shubie Park in Dartmouth. It has paid off. Harvey Sr. is in full recovery. He has regained control of his “plumbing system”, his incision has healed perfectly and all post surgery signs indicate the cancer is no longer present. To make sure all the nasty cells were destroyed, the doctors in Nova Scotia persuaded him to complete radiation therapy in the fall. In 2008, he will be visiting the doctor in Regina and completing PSA blood tests every 3 months. We are all hoping that the PSA readings will be non detectable because this will mean no prostate cells are present. We all think this will happen.

Harvey Sr. will deeply miss all the friends at Heritage Gas and his Bill W. friends in Nova Scotia. The natural gas project was an engineer’s dream job and was honored to have been part of such a significant effort. He worked the best people ever … but life moves on. He is very excited to be returning home and working in the Safety, Health and Well-Being department. 2008 will be GREAT!

Angel has left behind many friends as well. She was sad to leave the Mic Mac Dental Centre, her co-workers and her patients. She cried when she left but the tears represented happy memories. She ran in the Blue Nose Marathon for the first time and ran the entire 10 kms without stopping. She is planning on returning to the Blue Nose in 2008. She is not sure where she will be working in Regina but will be looking for employment in the New Year. Hopefully she will take care of us and Max for a while … at least until spring.

Looking back, 2007 has been a very good year. Angel, Gido and Max traveled to Ottawa 3 times, traveled to PEI to see Anne of Green Gables museums, traveled across Canada twice and seen more of Nova Scotia than they have in the past 4 years. They spend a night in Pictou at a good friend’s 1830 farm house and spent a day in Chester with more friends. They went on another fantastic tour of the Chester harbour and the Atlantic coast line. They attended a fun filled Heritage Gas Christmas party and are now having sleepovers again with Demetrius and Dustin. If Boh could be here the weekends would be perfect! Live doesn’t get much better than this.

That’s a rap for this year. We wish everyone all the best in 2008. We hope you are blessed with friendship, GOOD HEALTH and maybe some additional new found wealth. If you want to get in touch with us, don’t hesitate. More Meow Mix is always welcomed!

Top 10 Things I Like about Gloria - Merry Christmas

Gloria,I have tried to figure out what I should get you for Christmas. I have been thinking about this for quite a while. This seemed to be the best I could come up with and I hope this will make 2007 a little bit brighter for you.

Gloria, these are the Top 10 Things that make you special to me:

10. Gloria, I admire your rigorous honestly. It is nice to know that you always tell the truth no matter what.

9. Gloria, I am so glad you had the courage to call in 2001 to let us know we had a grandson. Dustin has been a gift from heaven.

8. Gloria, thank you for moving to Nova Scotia in 2005.

7. Gloria, you are are a great Mom. You have a patience of a saint and you are a good teacher for Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah.

6. Gloria, thank you for giving Nova Scotia two bluenosers ... Demetrius and Aaliyah.

5. Gloria, I love your positive attitude. You always seems to have a smile on your face. Please keep it up. Your positive attitude will go a long way in making Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah strong individuals.

4. Gloria, thank you for coming to see me at my Nova Scotia work office. When I would see Demetrius and Dustin, all my problems would disappear for a brief moment. This helped me remember what was important.

3. Gloria, thank you for allowing Dustin and Demetrius to have sleepovers with us. They make the weekends wonderful. We can't wait until Aaliyah can do the same.

2. Gloria, thank you for looking after Max, Isis, Chloe and Cookie for us in Nova Scotia when we would go away.

1. Gloria, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah to use our surname. This unselfish gift is one of the best things you could have ever done for me.

Merry Christmas,

With all my love,

Gido

Making Contact with Dr. V

Yesterday "A" and I went to my appointment at the Allan Blair Cancer Clinic in Regina. One thing that I have found in common with the Cancer Clinic's is that everyone who works at these care giving places are wonderful. I can feel their warmth and understanding. It certainly provides me hope for the future!

Not much happened at my session yesterday, just a get to know one another and physical exam to establish baseline data. One major difference though ... my new Radiation Oncologist is a woman. So have a DRE was a "new treat" so to speak. I thought the 6 inch scar on my mid section would have convinced this great lady that I no longer had a prostate to feel, however, she wanted to make sure. I think that is a good medicine.

Therefore the next steps are fairly straightforward; PSA blood work every 3 to 4 months. Next meeting with Dr. V will be in early April 2008, although I will probably get my family doctor to do a blood test before then.

This has been a very good year. I think I should get working on my Christmas letter. This weekend I will solicit the help of my grandson's.

Farewell to Nova Scotia ...

Last weekend, "A" and I had the good fortune to return to the Heritage Gas Christmas Party and farewell event. It was great! I also was invited to another dinner event that was quite a nice surprise and was very touching. "A" and I will miss Nova Scotia deeply. The past 4 1/2 years was a wonderful experience but professionally and personally.

My main goal when I moved to Nova Scotia my primary goal was to maintain my sobriety, no matter what happened. I have done that and sometimes I am amazed. It was through the good folks at Club 24, my HP and help from "A" and others that kept me on the "wagon". Obviously the past 9 months have been quite a ride.

Fighting (or dealing) with the monster has been one of my greatest challenges. Where could I go to escape, even if it was for a few hours? There were times I wanted to take a "liquid vacation" but I knew that I would have to come back to reality. And reality would be worse after a "run".

So I decided to do 3 things at the end of March to make sure I stayed on the straight and narrow (so to speak). I commit ed to myself to: (1) go to more meetings than I normally do; (2) get more exercise and (3) do what the good Doctors tell me to do. The Plan has seemed to work, however, I am sure the Big Guy really had the ultimate influence in my recovery.

This brings me back to the Heritage Gas Party of last weekend. I had the opportunity to say thanks to every one for their support and have a few good laughs. It was nice to be recognized by my peers and commented for achievements we all shared. No one person is bigger than the whole. Someone told me that a long time ago (it was probably my Mom) and the saying is so true.

However, the best award I received was a simple plaque with 3 pairs of running shoes. It summarized my spring, summer and fall and it recognized "mans best friend". Thank you Craig for this wonderful creative gift!

Happy Birthday Winter Binter !

Today is my daughter's birthday and I am so proud of her. Happy birthday Winter Binter!

I have been lucky this year. I have had the good fortune to be in Ottawa 4 times this year and I spent time with Winter, her great husband and my beautiful grandson. Because 2007 has been so interesting for me, I made sure I enjoyed the moments with Winter and her family. It was great! We built the back yard, went out for suppers and enjoyed each others company.

Winter have a great day!

Harvey

Is it December 3rd Already?

I can't believe how time flies! It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since we arrived in Regina. It has been busy trying to get used to the new house, the weather and new surroundings. I am not sure if I am as comfortable with change as I once thought. I am working hard to control my edginess and anxiety.

One of the best ways I know how to do this is to go to meetings. The first meeting I went to was my Friday AM meeting in downtown Regina and it was a good one; I shared my fears, frustrations and gratitude; just what I need to do and I need to do more of this. Fear is my biggest enemy. I am baffled sometimes how I can face a life threatening disease like cancer with ease and then be scared to meet new people or move into new places. It doesn't make sense. Someone told me last Friday that what I was experiencing was bulls*** fear and bulls*** guilt. These emotions, he said, are not reality based. It kind of made sense.

Enough of this whining. Tomorrow, "A" and I are returning to Nova Scotia for a few days to see old friends and to formally say goodbye to the good folks at Heritage Gas. The past 4 1/2 year in Nova Scotia have been great and we consider Nova Scotia our second home. Who knows, we may return to Nova Scotia to retire there?

Finally, I just wanted to say something about the radiation. It is true that one does lose hair after treatment! And the hair I am losing is not from my head.

We're BACK ...

We are back in Regina! Back to the flat lands, snow and minus temperatures!

The trip across Canada was excellent and we had no major problems. Max was a real trooper and excellent traveller. Much better than me. I had to stop more times for a pee break than Max!

We are in the house in Regina and waiting for furniture which should arrive next Monday.

For some reason, I am just angry and I don't know why. It is probably because moving is stressful and I should feel some anger. Maybe because when we arrived at the house, there was an envelop waiting for me. When I opened it up, it was from the Allan Blair Cancer Clinic in Regina. This information surprised me and shocked me at the same time. This monster just won't leave me alone! Also during the trip, I received a call from the Cancer Clinic and I have an appointment on December 13th in Regina.

I just wanted this problem to go away! And it is not.

I am planning on going to a meeting tomorrow morning. I am sure that will help.

It could be me ...

I am currently staying at my daughter and favorite son-in-laws place in Ottawa. They live in Elm Vale Acres and it is quite nice. It seems to be a preppy place to live and is close to CHEO (Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario).

As has been the routine over the past months, Max takes me out for a walk and a poop every morning (please note, Max does the pooping). Yesterday and today, we have been walking in a nice park close to CHEO. There are small islands of weeping willow and birch within the grassy knolls of the park. The treed islands make perfect hiding places if your had a game of hide and seek "going on" during a family picnic.

As I walked by one of these hiding places yesterday, I looked in and what a mess; can's (easy opening cans of cat food and Chef Boyardee), bottles and other miscellaneous garbage. The litter was spread out in a circular pattern, with a clear spot in the center. I then realized this was someones home! My first reaction was to retreat and deny I knew anything about this place.

This morning, Max took me back to the same park and the same hiding place. As I walked by I looked into the clump of beautiful trees to see if anyone was home. It is minus 3 C today and it is too cold to be outside. The tenant was gone but not the mess. I looked on the ground and found a doctors prescription for Ran-Fentanyl 100mcg dated on September 11, 2007. There was a name; David N. This is a prescription that is used to help addicts recover from addiction. It is also used to help with pain related situations due to medical operations and/or accidents.

As I looked at the package two things occurred to me; (1) I am sure David's problem was not related to an medical operation and (2) David's name could just as easily be Harvey. The reason, I make this statement is because I would have chosen this treed island for my home if I had no place to go.

I think I will find a meeting to go in Ottawa; later today or tomorrow morning. Maybe I will see David and if I don't, I will be there for him and hope he finds a recovery room soon.

My Dustin ... The Top Ten!

I am blogging today from Ottawa, from Winter, Justin and Boh's place. We are on are way back to Regina; the move back to the flat land has finally arrived. We drove all day yesterday and arrived in Ottawa at 9:30 pm AST. The weather was wet but no snow. That was GREAT as 'My Dustin" would say.

On Tuesday, November 13, the packers arrived and moved "stuff" into boxes and on Wednesday, the movers arrived and moved all the boxes into the transport truck. "A" and I cleaned like crazy and at 6:30 pm we were finished. In the cover of darkness, we decided to start of journey back to Saskatchewan. For me it was important we left on November 14 because it is a special day. It is "My Dustin's" birthday and I wanted to remember our departure from our Dartmouth home on a special day. So we did; we drove in the night and stayed in Amherst that evening.

'"A" and I called our Dustin from Amherst. He turned 7. He was GREAT and I can't wait to see him in a week. We are going to start our sleep over parties again. When I talk to Dustin, I always ask him who he is; I always want him to say that he is Gido's Dustin. Not because he is my favorite; I just want him to know that he is loved by me. He always will be no matter what. He will always be Gido's Dustin!

We wished him a Happy Birthday and told him we loved him. Dustin these are the Top 10 things I admire and love about you:

10. Dustin, you have a GREAT sense of humor!

9. Dustin, I want to thank you for coming to the hospital this past April (2007) to help Grandma take me home after my surgery.

8. Dustin, thank you for playing "I Spy" with me during your sleep overs!

7. Dustin, thanks for sitting on my lap when I was working on the Nova Scotia business model in 2001 and 2002. You always helped me remember what was (and is) important in my life!

6. Dustin, thank you for being so smart. I never knew a 3 year old that could do math like you. Even I forget the answer to 46 plus 5!

5. Dustin, thank you for helping me make Grandma's birthday cakes on February 25th during the past 2 years. They always turn out GREAT!

4. Dustin, thank you for being such a good brother to Demetrius and Aaliyah!

3. Dustin when you came to Nova Scotia during the summer of 2004 and stayed with Grandma and me, you did something very special. You turned our house on 40 Lakeview Ave. in dartmouth, into a home. When you told Grandma and me that you were "so happy", you made us cry inside!

2. Dustin is my first grandson to "carry" my Dad's last name. Super Gido was proud of that and so am I.

1. Dustin, thank you for coming to visit me on August 24th, 2001 ... it was a VERY GOOD DAY!

Can't wait to see you next Friday.

Your Gido.

Twitching to Leave

Well this will be my last official weekend living in Nova Scotia. I am sad and happy at the same time. The past 4 1/2 years have been quite an adventure and I am more fortunate than most to have been given the opportunity to be part of a project that engineers sometimes dream of. Building "things" are a lot of fun and I have been part of a great team! It will be hard to match the friendships and talent that I have been part of.

As I mentioned many times, I also feel grateful to have gotten sick in Nova Scotia. Getting cancer certainly is not much fun and I don't recommend it to anyone. But as someone asked me the other day "What disease do you want to have?". This was an interesting question and made me think of how lucky I probably am. I have been Graced with a Power to deal with 2 illnesses; alcoholism and cancer. When I was young, I never dreamt this would happen to me but they have. I don't believe for a second that God gave them to me. I think this is part of life's odds and a roll of the dice of the human gene pool. What I have been given through is the opportunity to match my will with God's Will. I am not perfect in doing this because many times I have attempted force the outcome of my life's path. Sometimes it has worked.

A good example is when I went to university; I thought I was the one who got the degree and it is somewhat true. I did do the homework, however, I was just polishing the gift I was given by God. Sometimes I tried to control my kids but you know how that goes? Not well most of the time.

Therefore, during the past few months, I have had lots of time to reflect on the past, speculate into the future and most of all enjoy the present. I am ready to leave. I am ready to begin then new chapter of my life which I hope will last for a long time to come.

Thank you Nova Scotia.

Another "Goose Egg" - A great Gift for November 9th

Well I had a great experience yesterday; another undetectable ("goose egg") PSA outcome! This is the best news I could receive. Despite some of the radiation side effects I am experiencing, it appears the radical surgery and radiation may be successful. I will need a few more PSA tests in to confirm all those nasty cells are gone. Next PSA will be in Regina in 3 months.

Other events that were interesting yesterday were my final thank-yous to two men who have been instrumental in my life. They are the two Urologists who expedited and performed the prostatectomy on me in April; Dr. R and Dr. B. I wanted to thank them and their staff for their "life saving" efforts. (If there is anyone who wants to know their real names, please e-mail me at hfedyk@hotmail.com and I would be happy to provide more details).

I had an appointment with one doctor but not the other but I wanted to thank both of them. It is wonderful how "Special Coincidences" happen. I decided to drop off two bags of Life Saver (candies) at Dr. B's office yesterday. I did not have an appointment with him but I really hoped I would "bump" into him. And magically I did! I waited in line to talk to his assistant. I was thanking her for her hard work in arranging the tests I had to go through and as I was asking her to pass on the card and Life Savers to her boss, guess who walked around the corner ... the good Dr. B. It was "Perfect Timing". One may wright this moment off as luck but prefer to think that maybe God allowed this moment to happen.

He asked me to come into his office for a brief moment. We chatted and I told him how thankful I was. I think doctors need to hear that more and more these days. He couldn't believe that I had such good bladder control because he was worried about the urinary reconstruction he had to do during the operation. It is a good thing I didn't know about this! As I was leaving his office, I turned around to say a final good-bye and I seen him "snatch" one of the bags of Life Savers from his assistance desk. It was then, at that moment, I knew how much a thank you was worth.

I did the same thing when I went to see Dr. R for my official appointment to receive my PSA score. This man from Columbia will always be part of my life. He was so busy in the Urology Clinic. I told him this was my last visit before my move to Saskatchewan and I wanted to thank him. I gave him his card and his Life Savers. I told him I could hug him for all he has done; he smiled but didn't hug. I don't think it was his style but the smile told me he knew how grateful I was.

I was glad I said my thank-yous yesterday, because today, I want to say thank-you to the "Power that is Greater than My Self". I believe this is God as I understand Him or Her. This Power has done wonders for me in 2007 and in years past. I have received the gifts of Courage and Acceptance. I sometimes get confused on what God can really give me. He will not give me health, wealth and happiness but He will provide the "internal" tools needed to deal with life on life's terms.

Today is my 17th sobriety birthday. I believe I have blessed to receive some of these tools since November 9th, 1990. I am grateful.

I woke up early today ...

I woke up early today with Cookie Monster on my chest purring as if to say that I was a lucky man. It seemed I was actually in tune with this friend of mine.

Today, I am going to see Dr. R, the Urologist, for probably the final time in my life. I am also going to get the results of my latest PSA blood work. I am hoping he will tell me the PSA reading is undetectable! This would be great news as it would indicate there are no prostate cells (cancerous or not) that are producing the PSA (Prostate-specific antigen (PSA) is a protein produced by the cells of the prostate gland. The PSA test measures the level of PSA in the blood).

No matter what teh reading is, I feel very blessed in 2007. I have received wonderful support and prayers from so many people. This is the greatest gift. I am now ready to turn another chapter of my life. Both "A" and I are getting very excited to start our move back to Regina beginning next week.

I will post the PSA reading tomorrow as November 9th is a special day for me. More tomorrow.

I think the Doctor was RIGHT !

During my last visit to Dr. H he indicated that radiation therapy has a cumulative effect on the body and the worst of the side effects occur after the treatment ends. He may have a point. Today I am feeling the worst I have in months. I feel nausea and quite tired! I hope this is something other than radiation. If not, it will be a long trip back to Saskatchewan.

"A" and I are getting into the moving mindset. A week from tomorrow the packers are going to be at the house and in 8 days we will begin our journey back to Regina. I can't wait to see those grand kids!

Thursday is another big day ... this will be my last meeting with Dr. R, the Urologist who did my operation. I had to give blood for a PSA test a day before my birthday. I am hoping the results will be non-detectable". I need big flat "goose eggs" for the next 2 years. I If I am lucky to get these scores, this will mean the "prostate monster" is "most likely" gone!

I will keep you posted.

27 Years Ago Today ...

I was working in Saskatoon for the week. "A" was just about ready to have our second baby and she wanted to go to Smuggler's Restaurant before she gave birth. We also wanted to have our new baby in the Saskatoon, the same place were his sister was born. It was a stormy day in the Saskatoon and Prince Albert area. I was doing a cathodic protection survey in Prince Albert on November 4th and I got caught in a snow storm driving back to Saskatoon. The car actually died and my co-worker (Ray D.) and I had to catch a ride into Saskatoon.

When I arrived at the motel, I called the hospital wanting to see how my "A" was doing. She got on the line and told me our son was born. I was surprise, happy and proud.

To celebrate, I bought and smuggled a Big Mac into the maternity ward for "A". Somewhere we have the picture of this special moment.

Happy Birthday Harvey Son!

Badge of Honour

I thought this Badge would be an appropriate document to post. Simple, clear and a reminder of my journey so far. For me, the color of the badge says it all. I had to wear it every day during my radiation therapy.















I hope I can look at this badge 20 years from now and remember the gratitude I had for all the prayers, support and encouragement I received from friends, family and members of my 12 step extended family. Without their support, the journey in 2007 would have been very difficult. Thank you God for these gifts.

The Last One!

Today at 9:15 am I will have completed my last of 33 radiation treatments! This another bittersweet ending as there is comfort in routine. I like comfort and I like routine. For the past 7 weeks, I have been getting up earlier in the morning and going to see the fine people at the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic, Dixon Center. They have been wonderful people.

I will say goodbye to these folks today with an idea that was recommended by a friend in Regina. He also finished his radiation treatment this past September. I will say goodbye to all the great radiologists at the Dixon Center by giving them an appropriate gift ... a bag of Lifesavers! This seems appropriate. Thank you Wayne for this great idea.

I also met with the Radiation Oncologist yesterday; the good Doctor H. I asked him if there was one thing I could do to ensure future success against the monster ... "Remember Harvey, you just completed an aggressive cancer treatment program; you had surgery and now just completed a radiation program. Don't expect to be on "top of you game' in the next few months. It will take a year to get back to your original energy state".

These will be great words to remember.

I am so thankful for the great Radiology Team at the Dixon Center of the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic.

Top Ten List ... My Son In Law

My son in law, Justin, is a special person. He has to be; he is now protecting my little girl!

Here a ten good reasons why you should stay in our family and I am proud to be your father in law.

10. Justin, you have a great sense of humour and you are a hard worker.

9. Justin, you make great babies with my daughter!

8. Justin, you are a great Dad to Boh. When I see you with him, it is a wonderful view.

7. Justin, you are always looking for ways to improve the financial security of your family.

6. Justin, when I do work for you at your house, you always thank me for the work I do. You really mean it and I really appreciate the acknowledgements.

5. Justin, you have always kept your word. Whenever you promised to do something for me, you always came through.

4. Justin, you came to my 10 sobriety year birthday in Regina with Winter. I know this may have been a scary thing to do but I really appreciated you being there.

3. Justin, I remember the day you thanked me for being sober. You told me that if I hadn't found sobriety, you may not have found Winter. It is funny how fate works!

2. Justin, you promised me you would always protect my daughter. This is most important; she is very precious to me.

1. Justin, you are perfect for my daughter and you are probably the only person I know that has the patience and understanding to accept her as she is. She needs you!

Justin, thank you for being part of our family!

What a difference a Year Makes!

Last year on this day, I was standing on top of the Empire State Building and having one of the best times of my life. It was my 50th birthday and "A" and I wanted to do something special during this week last year. We decided to spend a week in the Big Apple and have some fun. We had a great week and travelled throughout the NE States and especially liked New York. I actually got to meet a New York mouse in our hotel room that was worth almost $450! When I called the hotel manager on the evening of my birthday and told her I seen a mouse in our room, she agreed to deduct a nights accommodation for our bill. Best birthday mouse I ever met!

When I was on top of the Empire State Building and especially when I was at Ground Zero at the World Trade Centre Site, I certainly did a lot of quiet thinking. I felt humbled by the height of the Empire State Building and felt humbled by the terrible events that happened on September 11, 2001. I felt lucky to be alive and be on this earth.

When I was overlooking Manhattan from the top of the Empire State Building, I wondered about the next year of my life. I never imaged I would have a major operator to remove prostate cancer and radiation to make sure all those nasty cancer cells were toasted.

This has been a emotional roller coaster ride and I am grateful for 3 things; I mean REALLY grateful and these are in priority.

(1) I am still sober;
(2) I am still married to my best friend ... she is still the sexiest lady I ever meet;
(3) I am so grateful for the medical care I have received in Nova Scotia; there are 3 doctors that helped me make my 51st birthday ... Dr. G. who acted on a PSA reading ... Dr. B who did a biopsy even though he considered my routine exam as normal .... and Dr. R who did my surgery but and was brutally honest about the side effects.

Overall, I am very happy to be celebrating my 51st birthday. Thank you Mom and Dad for giving me life and protecting my during this past year!

Now I have to go and walk my second best friend ... Max!

Top Ten for Harvey Son ...

When my son was born, I was in Saskatoon working for the company's Corrosion Control department, doing a cathodic protection survey in the snow. I was in Prince Albert and drove through a snow storm to get back to the City Hospital to see what was happening with my "A". I called the hospital to see what was happening and talked to "A". She was crying with happiness; she said to come a see her and my son! What a surprise; I was so happy. To celebrate, I bought and smuggled a Bic Mac into the hospital for "A".

Since that wonderful day on November 6, 1980, my son has been the love of my life and he has given me many gifts and opportunities to practised being a Dad.

Here is my Top Ten Gratitude List for my son:

10. Harvey Son ... When I found out I had cancer on March 12, 2007. I asked you to come over and be with me on March 13, because I didn't want to be alone. You were at my side in a heartbeat. I will forever be grateful for that day!

9. Harvey Son ... I was so very touched on my 9th Birthday when you made a special effort to make sure I attended the 5:25 meeting. I still remember the phone call. I was in the garage in Regina when you called asking were I was. At the meeting and realizing that you bought donuts "especially" for this meeting to celebrate my 9th year of sobriety was a magical moment form me. When I you shared and cried, I was so proud; it gave me goosebumps. And still does!

8. Harvey Son ... I was so proud when you completed your GED and SIAST Welding Training.

7. Harvey Son ... I so glad I was able to move to Nova Scotia from 2005 to 2007. I am proud to say I have a grandson and granddaughter who are called Bluenosers!

6. Harvey Son ... I was so proud when Sam told me ... "He's a hard working man and I can count on him!"

5. Harvey Son ... Thank you for making me a Gido!

4. Harvey Son ... I was so proud to see you cry at Gido's funeral. You are a write wonderful poems and the one for your Gido is one of your best! I admired your courage when you and Winter spoke at Gido's funeral.

3. Harvey Son ... I loved going on the ski trip with you in 2002! I smile every time I think about the day we spent together.

2. Harvey Son ... You are diamond in the rough! I am convinced you are one of the smartest people in our family.

1. Harvey Son ... "Hugs no matter what" - This is what I am most proud of. We always seem to manage a hug for each other no matter were we are. Hugging at a construction site is special!

Harvey Son ... ILY2M and I hope you know that!

The Start of My Top Ten's ... W-Binter

I am sure every one's family is important to them; I am no different. As I have been walking my friend Max around Lake Banook over the past few months, I have had lots of time to think about my "A", my daughter Winter, my Harvey-son, my Justin, my Gloria and my grand kids, Dustin, Demetrius, Aaliyah and Bohdan. I also need to include Max for he has very important to me. I have wanted to do this for a while; I wanted to do a Top Ten list for those that are closest to me.

This is my simple gift to them. I am so grateful for their love and support over the past year. There is no time like the present to tell them why they are special!

My daughter Winter:

10. Winter, when I first seen you in 1978, I knew I made the right decision when I met your Mom.

9. Winter, during the past year while I have been reading your blog and looking at your pictures, I can't help admire how stunningly beautiful you are.

8. Winter, even though I tease you about your degree's, I must admit I am proudly jealous of your accomplishments. You are one smart girl!

7. Winter, when I read your blogs, I am so impressed with the love you demonstrate to your husband, Justin and son, Boh. They are lucky men. Your words will make Boh very strong in the future.

6. Winter, I am so glad you came to my 10th year birthday in Regina. It meant so much to me.

5. Winter, I am so glad you choose Justin to be your husband. He is so perfect for you.

4. Winter, thank you for arranging the newspaper article in the Leaderpost ... "Dad Comes Through". I can't tell you how I felt; it was wonderful. The words in the newspaper article filled me full of pride and self-esteem. I felt like I was forgiven for the broken promises of my drinking days.

3. Winter, I love doing work for you in your house. I love hearing ..."Thank you Dad" when I leave for home. You really mean it! I know in my heart that truly appreciate my help and don't take me for granted.

2. Winter, thank you for allowing me to walk you down the isle at your wedding and giving you away to Justin. I dreamt of that day since December 11, 1978.

1. Winter-Binter, I love you because you are my one and only daughter. You make me so proud to be your Dad!

Well it finally happened ...

This morning took me to another new level of humility ... I pooped my pants when I was walking Max. I had absolutely no say in the matter; even God decided I should handle this one on my own. I am into my 5th week of radiation and I really thought I had everything under control. Another lesson learnt; the doctors and nurses do know what they are talking about.

It was a good thing I was with Max because completely understood my dilemma. He is a good friend. Thanks Buddy!

I will be more careful during the next few weeks.

Feeling in the bag today!

This morning was another early treatment session at the Dixon Center; 7:15 AM to be exact. For some reason I could barely get out of bed at 5:30 to get ready for the trip to Halifax. I am just wiped!

When I was chatting with the radiation technologist, she assured me this is a common side effect. Loss of energy is greatest at the end of the 6 week radiation treatment session. She said we are killing cells ... good and bad as the radiation doesn't now the difference. The theory behind radiation is that it kills all cells, but only normal cells have the ability to repair and heal itself. Cancer cell cannot repair their cell structures. Therefore, the theory is to "kill the whole tribe and only the strong can come back".

If the radiation nurse is correct, my side effects will become more pronounced until the end of the treatments sessions. The last one is on November 2. It will then take a month or more to bounce back. According to Dr. H, he indicated not to expect to be at full energy capacity for about a year! That was a shock to me. I thought it was 6 weeks of treatment and 6 weeks to recover from the internal healing. Good thing I am not the Doctor. This doesn't mean I can't go back to work, it just means I will have to pace myself.

Once again, I am very grateful to the company I work for and for the benefits I thought I would never need. I thought I was bullet proof in my twenties and thirties and I want money not benefits. Just goes to prove that I am not very smart!

Need a nap. See you later Mr. Blog.

Too Much Humble Pie for the Day

Yesterday was a long day! I spend the entire morning at the Urology Clinic talking to a special person about the major side effects of the prostatectomy. I won't go into the details just yet, but let me say that this process took me to a new level of humility! When I finished the 3 hour session, I had to walk about a 1/2 a click to my radiation session for my 19th treatment.

When I prepared myself to lie down on the radiation table and then once again "show my tattoos" in front of 3 new ladies, I had enough. Emotionally, I knew I had digested too much "humble pie" for the day. I had shown my privates too many times to too many women in one day. I had to release a couple of tears in front of these wonderful ladies. Thank God there are different types of people in the world and the ladies at the Dixon Centre are perfect for their jobs. They wanted to know what was wrong; did they hurt me; should they stop. Thank God I have been sober for a few 24 hours and have gone to enough meetings to know I should tell them the truth. I did and told them to continue.

As I lay under the large machine and waited to the humming noise to begin, I thought of the past and the future. I wanted some assurance the monster was gone, but I knew only time and blood work will tell me this secret.

I went home that night and my "A" reminded me that it was 30 years ago on October 12, 1977 that we started dating. I should have known that because October 12 is also a birthday of one of "A"s best friends, Eleanor. I am so glad I had that first date! If it wasn't for that date, I wouldn't have had a shoulder to lean on last night. Thank you.

Week #4 off to a shaky start ...

Well I am into my 4th week of radiation therapy. As of this morning I have completed 15 of 33 session therapy regiment.

I was up at 5:45 AM and had to be at the Dixon Center for a 7:15 session. Today I was supposed to get x-ray pictures taken for Phase II of my treatment session. Phase II of the treatment will focus radiation on the "prostate bed" area only and will consist of the final 10 sessions which is scheduled to end on November 2.

All was well until the pictures had to be taken. The x-ray unit's computer froze and would not operate. Not a big deal, really. I still was able to get on with my radiation treatment session and will try the picture process tomorrow when I go for my 16th session. Wednesday will really be "hump day" as this will mark the 1/2 point of my treatment program.

Friday will be an interest day ... I get to me Getty.

Happy Thanksgiving ...

I have finished the 3rd week of radiation therapy and have another 4 more to go. In 5 more weeks, "A" and I should be on our way back to Saskatchewan. Time flies and also stands still, all at the same time!

When I was under the radiation gun this morning there was not much to do except think and pray. Think about the past, think about how my future might be and then ask the Big Guy to give me the Power to accept my future as it unfolds. It was also a time this morning to think about the past 6 months and GIVE THANKS for the people who looked after me, who prayed for me and for those who gave me encouragement. It certainly is a good 2007 Thanksgiving weekend.

Tomorrow I get a chance to make a turkey supper for my 2 sisters, Maraine and Loverne, who are currently enjoying the wonderful sites of the Maritimes. They are currently "lost" somewhere in Prince Edward Island and they have picked a great day to see the wonderful provinces of PEI, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia.

I am lucky to have 2 sisters who travelled a long way to see me. As I was lying under the gun, with my pants pulled down, waiting for the radiation to begin, I felt gratitude and I felt very lucky to have such good fortune.

I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving weekend. Next year, I plan to cook a turkey for my grand kids!

ILU2M ...

I am one very lucky guy because I have been with only one love; My "A". We met when I was in 3rd year engineering at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon. It was in the fall of 1977 when we started dating. The first time I held her hand ... it was magic ... I mean magic!

We were walking up the hill at the back of my apartment in east Saskatoon. I dared to hold her hand. I reached over touched mine hand and we walked up the hill. It was like walking up to heaven. We made it to the top to look at the city and look at the stars. I heart knew I had met the special person I was looking for.

It has been 30 years since I held her hand. We have gone through a many tough times but many more happy times. I told my former boss today that I was lucky to have this woman in my life and he agreed.

I hope we are blessed with another 30. Can't wait to hold your hand tonight.

"A"; ILU2M (I Love You Too Much).

The Greatess Bond ...

I have found that a deeply personal issue can create wonderful relationships. This happens all the time for me at my 12 step meetings. When I see a new person who is struggling with booze and other addictions, I can relate at a seemingly microscopic level.

Yesterday, I found that this deep bond can also happen when I meet other "monster slayers". That is, other cancer survivors. Over the past few months, I have met a friend from Alberta through e-mails only. He had the courage to initiate a relationship with me. This has been a gift to me. I think it is a way the Big Guy works through people. His e-mails and his rigorous honesty were words of inspiration and hope when I needed them most. During my trip to Saskatchewan with my son in April, I received a e-mail from him when I was in North Bay, Ontario. I was depressed, tired and had very little hope. When I read his note on the Blackberry, it was like someone gave me a shot of adrenalin; I was revived.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to me this wonderful gentleman in person. I never heard his voice and I never seen his face, but when we met, we were instant brothers of the spirit. A 15 minute coffee break took an hour. It was the one of the best hours I had since March 12th. Thank you DB.

I wonder?

I wonder if we intuitively know when we are ready to graduate from our physical state into the world of the spirits?

I was thinking about this question as I walked around Lake Banook this morning with Max and thinking about my good friend Mary who passed away this past Sunday. She was a special farm girl from PEI that I am grateful to have met. I actually "adopted" her a mother figure during my time in Nova Scotia and this goes back to 1998. She kept me on the straight and narrow and always had some wise words for me. Like "get over it" and "go to meetings". She knew how to see through me and ask probing questions that impacted my soul.

Two weeks ago on September 10, I went to one of my meetings in downtown Dartmouth. I was a bit late entering the meeting, therefore I decided to stay for the entire meeting which lasted an hour. Just after 1:00 pm, I left the meeting and as I was walking back to my office, I heard my name. I looked around and then inside a parked car. There was Mary.

I went over to say hi and get a hug. As we chatted, she told me see seen me rushing to the meeting and wanted to talk to me. She waited for almost an hour for me to finish my meeting and watched for me as I left. She wanted to see how I was doing with my radiation sessions and she wanted to show me some pictures of her daughters and her pride and joy; her granddaughter. She was so proud of her family.

I have wanted Mary meet "A" and since I moved to Nova Scotia 4 years ago, I always wanted to take Mary for a fish and chips lunch . My Mom loved fish and chips.

It was a date. On Tuesday, September 18 we meet at Wraf Wraps for lunch. It was a great fall day and lunch was wonderful. We laughed and had our pictures taken together.

Yesterday, I had a "pulling" urge to go to my noon meeting. I am so glad I did; I found out Mary left us. I was able to chat with Mary's daughter's yesterday afternoon at the funeral home. Through my tears, I told them I loved their mom; a beautiful farm girl from PEI. I think Mary knew she had to say goodbye when she waited so long in the car for me two weeks ago.

I will miss you my friend. I hope you can meet my Mom. Please come visit me in my dreams.

Harvey

Hugs and kisses to our good friend Mary

HARRISON (Evans), Mary E.HARRISON (Evans), Mary E. - 63, Halifax, passed away at home suddenly on Sunday, September 23, 2007. Born on Afton Road, P.E.I., she was a daughter of the late Thomas and Agatha (McGuigan) Evans. After graduating from Prince of Wales College, Mary began her career as a teacher at Glenroy School in Scotchfort, P.E.I. In her 20s, she moved to Halifax and served several years in the Royal Canadian Navy, after which she dedicated her life to raising her girls. Later, Mary was employed at Metro Drug Dependency (Detox) as a counselor for many years. She was passionate about helping those with drug and alcohol addictions. A very long-time "friend of Lois", she invested much of her time and energy in fellowship. Her optimistic spirit, resounding strength and generous nature will be missed by all. Mary was the beloved mother of daughters, Tannis Harrison (Claude Eddo), Halifax; Shauna Rae Saroufim (Marc Saroufim); granddaughter, Vivian Esther Saroufim, Ottawa. She is survived by sisters, Viola (Dick Murley), Lillian Mitchell (Leonard MacDougall); brothers, Jim, Walter and Jerry, all of Prince Edward Island; and her nieces and nephews. Visitation will be held 2-4 and 6-8 p.m. today in J.A. Snow Funeral Home, 2666 Windsor St., Halifax. Visitation will also take place 2-4 and 7-9 p.m. Friday, September 28, in Hennessey Funeral Home, 35 Longworth Ave., Charlottetown, P.E.I. Funeral mass will be held 11 a.m. Saturday, September 29, in St. Bonaventure's Parish, Tracadie, P.E.I. Donations in memory of Mary may be made to Marguerite Centre, P.O. Box 1, Lakeside, NS B3T 1M6. E-mail condolences to: condolences.snow@ns.aliantzinc.ca Mother, we will always, love you up to the moon and back and all around the stars.

I am a lucky man!

This morning my radiation session was scheduled for 7:15 AM. Very early! It meant leaving the house in Dartmouth just after 6:00 AM.

What made me feel lucky this morning is that my "A" decided to come with me. She didn't have too, but she came none the less. She got ready before me, didn't complain, smiled and put her hand on my shoulder. We had some laughs at the Cancer Clinic and I felt on top of the world.

It doesn't get any better than that!

Thanks "A".

Week #2 - Under the popcorn machine!

This morning I had my 6th radiation session at the Dixon Center. It is starting to become a routine of sorts. I get to the Clinic early and 1/2 before my appointment I drink my water to get the bladder full and wait for my name to be called.

There are 4 radiation machines at the Clinic and they are busy from 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM. I understand there are approximately 150 people treated every day for cancer. Obviously, the disease is non-discriminatory and doesn't show favorites. Its impact on people is far reaching.

As I lie under the machine and wait as the radiologist technicians align me to the laser beams, I am pray quietly in my head. I pray for myself and ask God to remove any resentments I have. I am trying so hard to make sure that all negative energy in my mind and body are gone. This seems to be a hard thing to do some times but the Serenity Prayer is a wonderful tool.

Last week, I had the first of my weekly meetings with my Oncologist (Dr. H). The meeting didn't take long. He just wanted to make me aware of the side effects I should be encountering this week ... diarrhea, nausea and tiredness. Dr. H's radiation strategy is to "zap" me 23 times in my entire pelvic area and then the final 10 sessions will focus on the "prostate bed" area. Apparently radiation is very hard on bones, so thus the limitation to 23 sessions of the pelvic bones. Dr. H indicated this treatment is a proactive strategy to eliminate any possible microscopic traces of cancerous cells that may be present. "The radiation should get them all". I like this statement, however, I wish he would have said "will" instead of "should". Like any good doctor, nothing is guaranteed. So be it. I am happy I decided on this "extra treatment and precaution".

The most interesting information I received from Dr. H was the viewing of my pelvic cat scan diagram. During the past months, I could feel an occasional tugging and pulling within my belly. Sometimes there was a sharp pain but mostly it was a gentle tugging. Now I know why. Dr. H showed me that I had between 40 to 50 metal clips installed during my surgery. The cat scan looked like a "shot gun" blast of pellets in my belly. There were a lot and I am surprised I have gotten through airport security without problems! Apparently, every time a blood vessel was cut during surgery, the good doctors installed a clip to stop the bleeding. Now I know why I lost 2 litres of blood! Good to know the surgeons knew what they were doing.

So will continue on with my radiation sessions and pray those invisible beam will get all the "nasty's". It will also give me an opportunity to think about my wonderful grand kids! I can't wait to see them again.

What's this ... a little dribble?

I am not sure what happened yesterday but I experienced something that was a bit embarrassing. I pee'd my pants! It wasn't a major issue and hardly noticeable but it happened. This type of event sure has the ability shake confidence in me. I was a bit stunned when I picked up my co-worker friend in Halifax yesterday to give him a tour of the great cities of Halifax and Dartmouth.

I am meeting with my radiologist oncologist this afternoon after my treatment and I will ask if this issue can be caused by the treatment. "A" tells me that her research say it can happen but I am surprised it is happening so quickly. Oh well, this is yet another helping of humble pie. This is one of the great things about the past few months ... I am hoping I have become a better person because of this opportunity to practice this precious commodity.

The Best People in the World

Above the doors of the Dixon Center at the VG Hospital, it says "NS Cancer Clinic". Every time I see that description I am snapped out of denial and into the world if reality. As I walk through these special doors, I realize I am dealing with "something" that is not to be fooled around with. The people that are there are just like me and are fighting their own monsters and dealing with their own new fears. They are scared just like me. I can see this fear in people's faces and eyes and I am sure they can see the same in my eyes.

There were all types there and some showed signs of the radiation treatments. One person looked like she had a very bad sunburn around her neck. It sure didn't look very comfortable.

I was glad "A" came with me this morning. She had a chance to look at the big "microwave oven" that I have to lie in. It sounds worse than it really is. So far there have been no side effects but the good ladies who operate the machine told us, I can expect these in a while.

Back to the sign above the door; back to reality. Cancer is cancer and it is the most feared "c" word in the english language. I wanted to acknowledge the feeling I get when I talk to the radiation technicians, the adminstration staff and health professionals I have seen so far. I am not sure where and how the Capital Health District finds these personality types but they are in the right profession. Their empathy is wonderful. Everyone I have met so far has made me feel I am special and human. They are not scared to touch me because I have the feared "c" word; the monster. They almost care too much. So far, they make the treatments seem normal. That is a hard thing to do. To my new friends at the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic, I just want to say thanks ... you are live savers!

One down ... 32 left to go ...

Today was the first day in the micro-wave; that is, the first day of radiation treatment at the Dixon Center at the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic in Halifax. The day started out at 6:00 am and finished about 10:30 am. Although the time in the "microwave" is short, about 10 minutes, time goes by quickly waiting for things to happen. I had to drink 2 cups of water before the treatment to make sure my bladder is full. I also have to make sure my intestines and colon are empty. Both these procedures are very important to ensure that radiation side effects are minimized. I am told the side effects occur towards the end of the second week and include frequent visits to the bathroom.

Once I was called into the room, the procedure is quite simple. Take off your shoes, lie down on the table, pull down your pants, don't move so we can line up the marks, then stay still. The machine will move around you and radiate your pelvic area from four different sides; the back, each side and the front. It sounded to me the actual radiation is about 30 seconds per shot. So far, the most painful aspect of the procedure is the pain of the full bladder. I guess I shouldn't have had 2 cups of coffee before I went to the hospital!

Maybe we sell the house today?

This afternoon, "A" and I are having another open house to see if our Nova Scotia property would be of interest to someone. Maybe today will be the day?

The reason I say this, is because I woke up this morning (thankfully) and went downstairs to begin the day. I am not sure what happened during the night, maybe Max had a party, but the couch was pushed away from the wall. I went to push it back and I was surprised to see a toonie on the floor. Coincidence? Maybe? But maybe, it was Dad coming to say hi and tell us today will be a good day.

Regardless of the outcome, it was nice to think of Dad. I miss you; your son.

Back at Work

During the past couple of weeks, I have been back at work to help out as best I can with projects, reestablish contacts with friends and clean out my office. It was a week of laughs, old memories and crystal ball gazing. Living in Nova Scotia during the past 4 years has been chapter of my life that I am grateful for. I always wanted to live in the Maritimes ever since I seen the map of Canada that hung on a wall of the country school I attended in Saskatchewan. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, it was a dream come true.

I have been fortunate to have worked with a company that had first class people. When we started this work in 2003, all we had were committed people, a common vision and a few credit cards. With that, we actually started a gas company! Well there was a little more than that, but not much. Working with talented people is a real treat.

One of my fears when I moved to Nova Scotia in 2003 was my ability to maintain my sobriety. I didn't know for sure if I could keep my lips away from the magical drink!

I read the comments from a friend of mine in one of my previous blogs. You are right Ken; I don't know why you and I were given this gift of Grace but I am grateful for it. I also know that if I continue to share my experience, I get a chance to stay sober. When I look at the past couple of months, I would like to think I have done this so I could continue to earn my sobriety. If you would have asked me before I arrived in Nova Scotia (in 2003) if I could stay sober during a "monster scare", I would have said ... "I am not sure". But I have.

As the "Anchor" continues to tell me ... "It's One Day at a Time". This is one of the greatest strategic statements ever (especially for person like me). I find it a challenge to live 100% in the now, but thank God I can live this way (with the help of my friends).

Next Monday, I start the 7 week radiation treatment session. Another opportunity to practice One Day at a Time!

Radiation Treatment start September 17

On Friday afternoon, I received a call I have been waiting for. The Dixon Cancer Clinic called me and confirmed I will begin my radiation treatments on Monday September 17 at 8:30 AM. This will mean I will need to make a trip over to Halifax early in the morning and since this is rush hour I will need to take this into account. Don't want to be late.

I am all "marked" up and ready to for treatments. The therapist told me I will have to get ready for the treatments. This will involve drinking 2 glasses of water 1/2 hour before the radiation treatment. I will also have to make sure I do my "number 2" before the session, so I will have to take a tablespoon of Milk of Magnesia the night before to make sure this happens.

From the friends who have had similar treatments, I understand that one gets into a routine with this treatment schedule so the 7 weeks should go by quickly. I also understand there can be some side effects including nausea, internal burning, irritation of the bladder and bowels. All this can cause some uncomfortable issues, however, the side effects differ between people. So we will see how I react. I am sure most of the fear is self centred and imaginary; I will be OK.

I am looking forward to getting this done. The sooner this happens, the sooner I can turn this chapter of my life and begin a new one. It has been quite a ride in 2007!

I'm here for a good time, not a long time ...

As a result of my delay in radiation treatment, I have decided to return to work and begin the process of cleaning out my office and helping out as best I can. I will have a couple of weeks of working with the best bunch of ladies and gentleman I have every had the pleasure of working for and with. If our team could participate in a "Stanley Cup" for the type of work we do, I am sure we would have a good shot in winning. I have been honored to be part of a high performing team.

I will attempt to continue my blogging during the weekends until my therapy starts. Not that anyone is interested, but I will probably like reading these words sometimes in the future ... when I am REALLY old!

Gido

Living a dream ...

This past weekend was a good one.

Labour Day; a time to think about priorities, both personal and professional. I have been very lucky in my past and have been grateful for the experiences thus far. I am not sure I have shared this story but I will once again.

I grew up on a farm that was located 30 mile west of Yorkton, Saskatchewan. It was an interesting time and this period of my life certainly shaped me in many ways. For example, I didn't know we were poor until I started going to school! There was nobody to compare to.

I didn't know there was a big world out there, until I started attending the one room school called Nanton. I spent 4 years in that school until I started making a 1 hour bus trip to a bigger school in Willowbrook.

The 4 years at this small prairie school played a part in my current destiny. There was a map of Canada on the wall. This map was magical. I went places and dreamed of working in exotic places like Halifax, Dartmouth and Charlottetown. I wondered what the people were like. These places seemed a million miles from where I was and they where if you lived on a small farm.

When I was in high school, I dreamt of building "things" and being involved in projects. I liked traveling and meeting new people. This was one of the reasons I went into engineering. The other big reason I took engineering classes was because I didn't want to be "stuck" on the farm. I needed to go somewhere.

Fast forward 40 years. Here I am; in Nova Scotia. I am leaving a place I dreamt of. I found the people wonderful and kind. The province is beautiful and exciting. I am leaving the work I wanted to do. Leaving is much harder than I thought it would be. However, I am lucky once more. My destiny is taking me back to things that are most special to me; family, friends and new career that can have a big impact on lives of employees.

I have been fortunate to be working for one company. I am in my 29th year and during this time I have had 8 different careers. What a blessing.

5 Years Ago Today ...

It was 5 years ago today that I had the father's privilege to walk my daughter, Winter, down the isle and give her to my son-in-law and good friend Justin. That was a magical day for me, it really was. I thought about that day since the day Winter was born.

I wanted to do something special for her and I knew I had to do something in pictures because pictures say a thousand words. I am grateful that technology was available to do this. I spent months with "A" trying to prepare a presentation that would be fit for a princess (and prince). I went back to old photos and slides and found the right music to play. It was fun to produce and prepare.

I think the presentation was a hit. My daughter ran up to me, gave me a hug, and told me she loved me. I felt so proud. I believe God allowed me to made amends for being a father that drank too much.

My Winter (and Justin) ... Happy 5th Anniversary!

Lost in the Paper World?

For the past couple of days, I have been calling the NS Cancer Clinic to find out when I would start my 33 radiation sessions. I thought I would be in the process by now. I was "mapped and marked" on August 7 and "A" recalls the therapists saying "see you in 2 weeks".

I am not sure what happened but I am now told my treatments start the week of September 24th. I am not sure what happened but the booking department told me they needed instructions and a report from my radiation oncologist before they booked people. Both "A" and I were sure the good Doctor completed this in early August but then went on holidays. He is not back until September 10. So I am wondering ... was my file sitting on someones desk waiting for it to be sent to booking? Maybe, maybe not?

As with this whole experience, I have to 'Let Go and Let God". I am feeling a bit guilty about not being back at work already ... maybe it is the farm background in me, or maybe it is something else. One thing I do know ... I am keeping busy. If asked I have helped folks whenever asked. I will be glad when life returns back to "normal" later this year when "A" and I are back in Regina.

A great weekend!

This past weekend, "A" and I were invited to an original Scottish homestead in the Pictou County of Nova Scotia. This was an opportunity to get away for a couple of days and clear the "head space". I am anxious to get on with radiation treatments and move on to Regina, so this adventure was good for me. It helps when I can stop feeling sorry for myself and stop the waves of fear from overwhelming me. The fear is really the fear of the future or the unknown.

Anyhow ... back to the adventure. We drove up to Pictou County on Sunday morning and met my friend at her family's original homestead. It was wonderful and full of history. The "old farm house was built in 1820 (I believe) and the "new kitchen" was added in 1910. I wish the walls could talk and in some ways I think they did during the night of great conversation. I laughed harder than I have in months and I also cried during some of the sharing. For me, this was what life is all about; listening, sharing from the heart and caring for people that we know or don't know.

It was a great day and it FLEW by in a heartbeat. Much to fast but so memorable. Thanks D for the day!

The next day (Monday), "A" and I decided to take a detour. Instead of driving straight back to Dartmouth, we caught the ferry from Pictou to Prince Edward Island and toured the island. Everything is so close compared to Saskatchewan. We drove at a leisurely pace to Charlottetown, New London, Anne of Green Gables museum and returned via the Confederation Bridge. What a beautiful day to be alive. I didn't think of the monster once!

We are now back in Dartmouth. Yesterday we were finalizing our house purchase in Regina and signed all necessary mortgage and ownership papers. Hopefully, by the end of the week, we will have some place to move to once the radiation is completed. I called the Nova Scotia Cancer Clinic yesterday and the radiation booking desk is waiting for the final radiation strategy from the oncologist. He is on holidays until September 10 and I was a little disappointed this report wasn't completed before he went away. Both "A" and I want the treatments to start ASAP so we can plan out trip back. Once again, I am no longer in control! God grant me the serenity.

More tomorrow and maybe a couple of pictures of the adventure.

A Flashback this Morning ...

I was walking Max around Lake Banook this morning and was almost home when I seen a young man that could have been me 30 years ago. We were crossing the Shubenacadie Canal system at Lock #1. He was about 20 and was looking over the edge of the canal system. He was "meditating" with a bottle of beer.

It was 7:30 in the morning and much to early for a beer. It was obvious to me that he was thinking about the past and the future. He was not in the present moment. How do I know? I was there many, many times in the past. I used to have beer in the morning on a regular basis. I was always thinking about what I did or what will happen. I seldom thought about my life at that precise moment.

I had deep empathy for this young man. I wanted to tell him I was in his shoes many years ago. In fact, I was going to chat with him when Max decided to chase some ducks and almost ripped my hand off. I think this was a sign from the Big Guy to leave things as they are for this young man. Hopefully someone else will "plant a seed" that could help change his future.

One thing I have learned ... "normal people" don't have a beer at 7:30 in the morning, looking over beautiful Lake Banook and throwing the empty bottle into the canal system. I am not normal and know this.

The Firsts in my Life ...

I have been very fortunate in my life. I have experienced many firsts.

I was the first born in my family which consists of 3 brothers and 2 sisters. I was the first to go to university. I was the first to get married. She was the first in my life and the girl I always dreamt of. I gave my parents their first grandchild. I the first to walk a daughter to the wedding isle in my family (and give her away to a wonderful first son-in-law). I was the first in my immediate family to find sobriety. I was also the first to speak at my parents "graduation ceremonies" in 2003. I was the first to live in another province. As you can see there are many firsts and all are special and memorable.

However, one of the most special firsts was seeing my daughter on December 11, 1978. I actually seen her before her Mom. I just finished a 4th year university exam in Fluid Dynamics at the University of Saskatchewan. As soon as the exam was completed, I rushed to the Saskatoon City Hospital to see how my soon to be wife was doing. I was told my daughter was born and would I like to see her. That was a magic moment. I knew at the moment, I moved into a new chapter of my life. As I held her, I seen my "A " being rolled past us. I felt blessed and scared. So many things have happened since that day. I hope many more days with interesting firsts will happen in the future.

By the way ... I received a call yesterday; I start my radiation treatments in mid-September. That will certainly be a first.

A Great Day in Chester

Yesterday, "A" and I were invited to visit a friend who was at a cabin in Chester. It was a great way to take my mind away from the upcoming radiation sessions. We arrived in Chester about 2:30 pm and before we knew it, it was 6:30 pm.

We tour around the entire Chester basin including a brief trip up Gold River. What a wonderful way to see the remarkable homes in the area. I was told that there are more millionaires per capita in the Chester area than any other place in Canada. If you take the tour, you will know why.

Thanks for the great day G&M!

Happy 2nd Birthday Demetrius!

If there is one thing I now live for, it is for my grandchildren; Dustin, Demetrius, Bohdan, Aaliyah, Daniel and Skyler. These are my gifts and I am grateful.

Today is my Demetrius' 2nd birthday and I am not there (in Regina) to be with you. But Demetrius, I have been thinking about you since I have woken up this morning. I bragged about your 2nd birthday to my friends at my 12 Step meeting this morning and during my walk with Max this morning, I thanked the Big Guy that you came into our lives while we were in Nova Scotia. I also thank your Mom and Dad.

I hope you can feel my hugs. You are special in my life!



Gido

Where was I 30 years ago?

It was a very hot day. I was in Netherhill, Saskatchewan, traveling in a non-air conditioned car when the announcer on the radio interrupted the music and said Elvis died at 42. I was stunned! I knew that was a special moment in history.

I was a Engineering CO-OP Student working for the SaskPower Engineering/Corrosion Control department in Saskatchewan. My job was to travel throughout Saskatchewan and complete pipe-to-soil cathodic protection surveys on the extensive steel transmission system.

I was 20 years old and just finished my 2nd year studies at the University of Regina. I was transferring to the University of Saskatoon that fall. It was the summer before I met my "A" in Saskatoon. Little did I know how GOOD my life was to become.

Where were you?

And Acceptance is the Answer to ALL MY PROBLEMS

During my travels in sobriety, I have found a "tool" that works for me when I want it to. It seems however, I need to practice it every day. It is not something that "sticks" with me. I am forgetful and need to be reminded continuously.

On Monday, I had the privilege to be the speaker at the Downtown Dartmouth Group. This was true blessing. I got a chance to speak about my past, my present, the Program and about the "tool" that has been so important for me during the past few months.

This tool is called "ACCEPTANCE".

I am "wired differently" than "normal folks". For some reason I am super sensitive. I react to all kinds of fears. I am terrified of rejection or just the fear of rejection. I work in extremes and need to find the shades of gray in my life.

I am also prone to self pity ... poor Gido ... everyone is picking on me, including God! I have been classed as a worry wort, trying to control outcomes, people and places. I always ask myself, when should I control and when should I sit back and "enjoy the ride"?

In the Big Book, there is a passage from a story that was written by a Doctor from California. There are two paragraphs that I have used over and over again. Here is the quote:

" And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.

Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

I have a lot of people, places and things to accept. This morning, I tried something different. Not anything radical but just something a bit different. Today, when I was walking around Lake Banook with Max, I stopped at the gazebo, knelt for a few minutes (with Max by my side) and asked the Big Guy for help. I prayed for Acceptance, for Courage and for Wisdom.

And you know what ... it has been a very good day so far!

My thoughts are with JC today

During the past 4 months, I have been having coffee meetings with JC who is another monster fighter. Today he goes into the hospital for additional testing and my thoughts are with him. He has been an inspiration to me. "If we get through this day, we can fight another day tomorrow and who knows, maybe a medical breakthrough will occur." These words make sense to me. I am finding that there is an exponential growth rate regarding cancer knowledge and cures.

Cancer is a sneaky disease and has many faces, it is very much like my other disease ... alcoholism. Everyone has their own perception of what the disease is and I find people do a "lot of lumping together" when talking about cancer and other illnesses such as alcoholism. From what I have found out, there are over a 100 different varieties of cancer; prostate cancer, breast cancer, skin cancer, etc. Each monster behaves differently and is treated differently.

It is the same with alcoholism; there are many different "forms" of the disease. Many people think a person has to drink a ton of booze everyday. This was the case for me, however, I was one of the lucky ones. This aggressiveness made it obvious to everyone but me, that I had a problem. However, I have know folks who are alcoholics and they drank much less than me and some only drank a couple of times a years. Some on the other hand are "dry drunks". They don't drink but they are in the grips of the illness.

There is one common link between cancer and alcoholism; their primary purpose is to kill their host, their victim! The disease's secondary purpose is to destroy families and friends.

This is why spiritual and human support is so important; God and medicine can work wonders and I pray they work for JC today. God's Speed my friend.

Chasing Ducks ...

I have been given one advantage regarding my fight with the monster; his name is Max. He and the ducks in Lake Banook have given me the gift of getting in shape.

Everything I have read and every Doctor I have chatted with have indicated that I have good odds in beating the monster. I may have already won (70% probability) but this beast is cannot be underestimated. I have been told that most men who have prostate cancer never die from it; they usually die from something else. A cardiac problem such as a heart attack. Get active and get in better shape; these are recommendations from my doctors and my good wife "A". I am trying to do my best.

Thank God for Max. He has been a great walking companion. He has taught me how to smile and loose a bit of weight at the same time. Our walks around Lake Banook are a morning ritual and have paid off. It has been 3 weeks since I have been off the undergarments and I owe this speedy bladder control recovery all to Max and the ducks who live on Lake Banook.

As we walk around the Lake, he always wants to chase a duck. This must be just natural for a yellow lab. He lunges and I pull back. This action must be the Kegel Exercise ever! I must have done this a thousand times over the past couple of months. And as a result, I have had no embarrassing accidents. Thank you Max.

Let's Get On With It ...

I am grateful for the excellent care I have been receiving for my fight against the monster, but, I want to get on with the radiation treatment, complete the 7 week session and move back to Saskatchewan.

I guess I should go to one of my meetings. It starts in 10 minutes. They always improve my attitude. Bill W. and Dr. Bob; here I come.

Gido

Radiation ... Here I come ...

"A" and I went to the NS Cancer Clinic on Tuesday afternoon and we were convinced that I should proceed with radiation therapy. The Oncologist (Dr. H.) indicated there are 4 factors that would suggest I would benefit from radiation therapy:

1. The monster was identified as a high grade version (Gleason Score of 8 (5+3)) and this means the monster has the potential to spread quickly;
2. The monster “just” got out of the prostate capsule;
3. Current medical studies indicate that there are proven benefits when radiation is supplemented to a prostatectomy (surgery) and
4. I am “young” and healthy so I could have long term benefits of radiation. I am not so sure about the young anymore!

At a previous meeting I had with Dr. H., he indicated that he would have given me a 70% probability that the monster has been completely removed as a result of the surgery. He then suggested, that with the radiation treatments, the survival probability would incrementally increase by another 15% (and maybe 20%). Therefore, a minimum, my odds are at 85% right now; I am grateful for this.

One of the comforting pieces of information I received at this meeting was that the radiation dosage would be approximately 2/3 of of the dose that would be applied if the prostate gland was still in place. He indicated this small dose will significantly reduce the side effects such as burning the rectum and bladder walls. This was the clinching detail for me.

All this being said, I was tattooed with 3 small dots that will be targets for my upcoming radiation. A small legacy of my battle with the monster. I now have to wait for a phone call to get into the queue which I was told will be 2-4 weeks; most likely end of August.

There will be 35 sessions, one per day and 5 days per week. This means 7 weeks. If the documentation I have read is correct, radiation will have some side effects especially at the end of the treatment. These indicated tiredness and problems with the all the plumbing. Dr. H. indicated he was going to do a “wide swath” radiation beam so he can treat my entire pelvic area, so he will be monitoring the side effects. He also stressed that getting increasing stamina would have benefits; more salad and less meat and more walking!

I guess Max eats the steaks and I get the green stuff.

Gido's Rules - 2007 Version

Since my discovery of the monster on March 12, 2007 I had a lot of time to think about my illness. I wondered if I had something to do with getting cancer, the monster. I am sure there were a lot of factors including my eating habits, my genetic history, my life style. Personally, I think I did have a part to play in the way my body performed. I have caused stress in my life that should not have been there. I should have known better.

My ego got out of wack, maybe not in a big way, but it did in my head. This was certainly demonstrated by Gido's Rules of 2006. I have had to revise them going forward. Dustin ... please pay attention if you ever read this. It can help you in the future.

Rule #1: God is the Boss.

Please note the minor wording change that has a Big impact for me. I am NOT the boss. God is the Boss, The Big Guy, the Creator or The High Power. He is all in One and I have to practise my Step 3.

This rule can still be used to ensure order and discipline, however, I just have to get in tune with His Will for me. Thus, I silently pray during the day, while I in the CAT Scan, in the doctor's office and in the bathroom of the Victoria General in Halifax. I am very pleased with my acceptance so far. It works.

Rule #2: Always hold hands when we are crossing a street or road.

No change to this rule ... it is good for all grandchildren and middle aged men.

Rule #3: No holding your "wiener" in public.

Although this is a good rule for young boys, "A" has pointed out that this is a good rule for ALL males of ALL ages. Since the operation, I have found that I had to be conscience of this all important rule!

Rule #4: No running in a store.

Another safety rule that is good for young boys and 50 year old gido's, especially in the Tool Section of Home Depot.

Rule #5: No whining.

Wow did this one turn out to be important. I need to apply it to my life, right now. NO WHINNING, really means "stop the self pitty". I am really good at self pitty and using it to my advantage. I have to remember I am not the only guy who has prostate cancer and faced the consequences of the recovery. Gido, get a grip and start being more proactive!

CONCLUSION:

We were close when we developed Gido's Rules in 2006. The 2007 version is much better!

Gido's Rules - 2006 Version

In 2006, "A", Dustin and I had the very good fortune to travel to Newfoundland and Labrador. We spent a week traveling all around the great province and we even drove up to L'Anse aux Meadows which is the most northern tip of the province and where the Vikings first landed a long time ago.

During the trip, it was "necessary" to make a few rules that Dustin and I could abide by. This is the 2006 version:

Rule #1: Gido is the Boss.
This rule was necessary (I believed) to ensure order and discipline during the trip.

Rule #2: Always hold hands when we are crossing a street or road.
This is a good safety rule and was created near Dildo, Newfoundland when Dustin almost walked into the path of a car.

Rule #3: No holding your "wiener" in public.
This is a good rule for young boys.

Rule #4: No running in a store.
Another safety rule and was necessary for the protection of the public at the Home Depot Store in St. John's.

Rule #5: No whining.
This rule was created after the following question was asked several times ... "Are we there, yet?"

These are good rules, with the exception of the first rule. This rule has got me into a lot of trouble in the past year as it strayed me away from my ultimate beliefs. I am not the boss and never had been. Since my operation, I have had a lot of time to think about what the 2007 rules should be. I will elaborate tomorrow.