The Last Presentation ...

I was at my home group meeting yesterday and had a chat with one of my friends after the meeting. He spoke about a presentation he seen on the web. He sent it to me and I was touched. This video reminded me of the messages I hear in my 12 step meetings on a regular basis, even though this guy was dealing with his own monster. It also reminded me of why I must continuously ground myself and remember what my primary problem is.

"A" and I went to the Regina Spring Home Show last night and I was surprised how many people we bumped into. What a nice surprise to feel comfortable in Regina once again. Everyone is so nice!

Have a look at the video:

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

The Cone of Fear and the Goose Egg?

This has been a roller coaster emotional week for me. It is like the time just before my belly button or AA birthdays; I get scared. Fear just comes over me and I feel paralysed inside my skin. I really hope other people can relate to this.

It all began last week when I visited Doctor M in Regina. I have known this man for a long time and he has been very good to me. He checks me for everything. Of course he knows my experience with the monster last year. It was time for another PSA test. I will get to the results shortly.

I did my blood work last week and was planning to call his office yesterday to see if I could book an appointment to see him and get the results. Before I was able to call him, his assistant called me. In my experience, it is not a good sign when the doctor's office calls you first. In Nova Scotia, it always meant something "was up".

Go back Easter Monday. I had an e-mail from my friend in Nova Scotia who is dealing with his monster: colorectal cancer. It is not good. He could not type on the keyboard. He had his wife say hi to me via e-mail.

Go back two weeks. My "A" talked to her friend in Nova Scotia. This friend's husband just "graduated to the next level" (passed away). I seen the tears and anguish on my "A" during the conversation.

So when the phone came and I heard the message, a cone of fear descended on me. I was scared to go and get the results. I couldn't believe it. Once more I prayed for the acceptance of things to come.

I went to see Doctor M at 1:30pm and another goose egg score regarding my PSA test. The PSA was <0.1 which means the lab could not detect any PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) in my blood. This means (for now) there are no stray prostate cancer cells producing this byproduct. Very good news and I feel extremely Grateful once again.

Bad news however is my cholesterol is slightly elevated. I miss Lake Banook and my walks with Max. Good thing spring is here and Max and I can start our exercise routine.

I am up early this morning thinking about that cone of fear. I need to remember that feeling I had yesterday because it can really ground me. When I begin to I worry to much about work, I have to remember how lucky I really am! Thank you Big Guy for giving me the strength to walk through the cone of fear.

Gido

Happy Easter J&C ...

Hi J&C,

I have been thinking about you folks a lot this past weekend. Not sure why but probably because I miss Nova Scotia and the good friends I made during the past few years.

This was a busy weekend for Angel and I. Our daughter and her family from Ottawa were here for the long weekend and this was very nice. We also had Easter supper with our son's family on Sunday. The kids didn't want to stay very long because they were sure there were more chocolate Easter eggs at their place.

In between all that fun, I was able to made contact with God and remembered to thank him for the moment. I forget that last year at this time, I was sure l wasn't going to be around. But I have gotten lucky I guess. Last week one of A's friends in Nova Scotia lost her husband to cancer. It is tough. I sure am glad I have faith in "Something Byond". I wish I had more proof but I think that is just the engineer in me.

Got to go to work. I will continue keep you and your family in my daily prayers.

My very best wishes to you folks,

Harvey

I think spring is around the corner

Adjusting to weather is one of the biggest changes I had to make since the move from Nova Scotia. I forgot how cold, cold really is and I forgot how nice the springs are in Saskatchewan. The big sky's and warm weather sure is nice. The past week has been great.

I am not sure what to write anymore. One of the advantages of being really sick is that the mind can focus on important issues. I enjoyed that; I really did. Now that I am back in a routine, I am finding a calmness in my days. Don't get me wrong, I am a bit worried that I am going to get addicted again to work. I found myself getting up at 4 in the mornings again working on stuff. I am not sure what I am doing wrong or if I am just not managing my work properly. Or maybe, I am just being a perfectionist again. Probably all three. I am so glad I am in the Program I am in because I go to a meeting and remember that my number one problem is drinking. If I live in that solution, I will be OK.

Now back to my original topic; I am glad spring is coming!

One Year Ago Today ... I was told ...

It was March 12, 2007 when I walked home from work in Nova Scotia, answered a phone that changed my life forever. Dr. B called and told me I had cancer, an aggressive type and that I should be prepared for a lot of hospital and doctor visits in the next few days.

I was stunned and numb. I didn't know what to do. I had to wait for "A" to come home from her work. It seemed like hours, but it was probably minutes; I really don't know. But when I did tell her, she broke out crying. And I cried too.

365 days have passed and with the help of friends, "A", my Harvey son, , my Gloria, my Winter Binter, my Justin and my grand kids, Dustin, Demetrius, Aaliyah and Bohdan, the journey was actually "enjoyable".

I prayed this morning. I prayed for strength to stay away from that first drink and I pray for acceptance of whatever the PSA test will be this year. I am hoping for zero's but praying for acceptance is the best strategy.

Finally, thank you BLOG for allowing me to share my thought, feelings and prayers.

It is so nice to feel part of the team ...

I was in Saskatoon today to participate in a staff meeting. What a nice feeling it was to have people come up to me and welcome me back to Saskatchewan and the company.

It seems like a dream. When I woke up this morning, I looked over the South Saskatchewan River and seen the "smoke" rising from the open water. I thought of Nova Scotia and had to pinch myself ... was I ever in Nova Scotia? Then during the day, at the staff meeting, my friend Norm showed his staff pictures of our experience in the Great Province of Nova Scotia. And there I was, on the screen; pictures of me in Cape Breton pulling up a lobster trap. Yes I was in Nova Scotia and I am so grateful I had the experience.

So back to reality and back to work. I am so lucky to be working with so many good people.