The Cone of Fear and the Goose Egg?

This has been a roller coaster emotional week for me. It is like the time just before my belly button or AA birthdays; I get scared. Fear just comes over me and I feel paralysed inside my skin. I really hope other people can relate to this.

It all began last week when I visited Doctor M in Regina. I have known this man for a long time and he has been very good to me. He checks me for everything. Of course he knows my experience with the monster last year. It was time for another PSA test. I will get to the results shortly.

I did my blood work last week and was planning to call his office yesterday to see if I could book an appointment to see him and get the results. Before I was able to call him, his assistant called me. In my experience, it is not a good sign when the doctor's office calls you first. In Nova Scotia, it always meant something "was up".

Go back Easter Monday. I had an e-mail from my friend in Nova Scotia who is dealing with his monster: colorectal cancer. It is not good. He could not type on the keyboard. He had his wife say hi to me via e-mail.

Go back two weeks. My "A" talked to her friend in Nova Scotia. This friend's husband just "graduated to the next level" (passed away). I seen the tears and anguish on my "A" during the conversation.

So when the phone came and I heard the message, a cone of fear descended on me. I was scared to go and get the results. I couldn't believe it. Once more I prayed for the acceptance of things to come.

I went to see Doctor M at 1:30pm and another goose egg score regarding my PSA test. The PSA was <0.1 which means the lab could not detect any PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) in my blood. This means (for now) there are no stray prostate cancer cells producing this byproduct. Very good news and I feel extremely Grateful once again.

Bad news however is my cholesterol is slightly elevated. I miss Lake Banook and my walks with Max. Good thing spring is here and Max and I can start our exercise routine.

I am up early this morning thinking about that cone of fear. I need to remember that feeling I had yesterday because it can really ground me. When I begin to I worry to much about work, I have to remember how lucky I really am! Thank you Big Guy for giving me the strength to walk through the cone of fear.

Gido