Thank you James and Piers! I don't know you, but I really know your Dad. If you two grow up and follow your Dad's path, the two of you will be very lucky and will be great human beings.
Yesterday afternoon, I received a phone call from a very good friend and work associate. He was taking the day off (I think) and he decided to call and see how I was doing. I told him I was doing GREAT. I actually stole this line from my grandson Dustin. This is his favorite answer when I ask him how he is doing or ask him how his day was.
My friend and I chatted for a bit and I told him I was getting exercise, planning to get another PSA test next week and then meet with my Urologist on July 19th. This meeting will be an important date because the information I receive from the Urologist will determine if I proceed with radiation therapy. And this point was the main reason for my friend's call.
He has two son's, James and Piers and they wanted if they should change their prayer routines so that they could ask that my radiation therapy program would be successful. I was a little taken back by this question, however, I was more humbled than ever.
I have thought about my friend's phone call during the night and during my walk with Max around Lake Banook this morning. (Sidebar: I found two 25 cent pieces this morning; one during my stroll and another in the house). I must say that I feel very grateful for the prays I am receiving. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of such good fortune . When this feeling happens I say the Serenity Prayer and ask God for the ability to add this blessing to my self esteem account.
I really believe that God listens to prayers, especially if one prays for the health, happiness and prosperity for others. God works through people, big and small, but I am sure he or she listens to small people much more closely. Small people, young people, like my friends two sons, James and Piers, have a closer link to the Big Guy because they are genuine with their love and requests. Self centeredness and ego, character defects that I struggle with, are not in young people, so I believe God is more likely to listen to them.
In closing; unsolicited prayers are the greatest gifts one can receive. James and Piers, I will accept your gifts and hope I can return this Grace back to you! I will let your Dad know if I need radiation therapy later this month.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
God in a Swimming Pool?
This episode turned out to be the start of some of the best days in my life. This memory came to me, this morning as I was reading my daughter's on-line blog. She talked about Europe, being alone, being scared and eventually getting a little closer to the Big Guy who is also known as God to many people.
I have felt the presence of God at the strangest of times and more times than not, I am usually not in a church or a religious environment. This what happened to me ... I just seem to be just there; on a balcony in Italy watching my wife splashing around, having fun with 2 good looking guys in the hotel's gorgeous swimming pool.
We were in Sorrento, Italy. It was hot and muggy. I decided to spend some time on my own and I was actually thinking about trying to find a 12 Step meeting in Naples. For this reason, "A" and I decided to spend the day apart and catch up that afternoon at the hotel. To make a long story short, I found a location for the meeting, but knew I wouldn't have enough time to travel to Naples by train, taxi and then return in time for supper that evening. I therefore decided to spend a couple of hours in Sorrento, just sitting in the HOT Italian sun and watching Italians and vacationers. It was great; very calming and a chance to mediate with God. I was thinking about how lucky I was.
My wife actually took me on this trip and I was able to stay sober in a country were wine was more available than water. When we checked into the hotel room the night before, the tour guide gave us a great corner room with an awesome balcony overlooking the Mediterranean Sea and the hotel's swimming pool. That evening as I sat on the balcony I began to "understand serenity and know peace" as it states in the 12 Promises of the Big Book.
That was last night; it was now time time to head back to the hotel and meet "A". I had to buy about 10 litres of water, take the train and walk up the steep hill to the hotel room. I was looking forward to seeing how "A"'s day had been. Fun I hoped. I got into the room and no "A". I waited for awhile, relaxed and tried to relax. I hoped she was OK. It must have been about half and hour, no "A", but I thought I heard her voice and she was laughing. I looked and SAW her in the pool; 2 guys and obviously having fun. My serenity instantly disappeared and it was replaced with another emotion ... maybe you can guess?
I wasn't happy and when I went to the pool to do a little "impartial fact finding". My "A" sensed that my serenity was gone ... maybe on its own holiday. She came to the side of the pool and asked me to come and say hi to a couple of her new friends, Father Joe and Father Peter. They were newly ordained priests from Toronto. I didn't believe this story at first. However, when Father Peter displayed his passport picture to me, he was wearing his cassock and cleric collar. It seemed unlikely to me that some guy would have gone through all that to make a statement.
Once my jealously disappeared, I truly enjoyed their company. We began very good friends and talked about God, my sobriety and their beliefs. I found it interesting to hear 2 guys talk about their quest to know and understand God. It was no different than mine.
That day, I learnt something very special; if I am patient and opened minded (even just a little bit), I can get to know the Big Guy in very strange ways.
We had a great vacation. Thanks for taking me "A".
I have felt the presence of God at the strangest of times and more times than not, I am usually not in a church or a religious environment. This what happened to me ... I just seem to be just there; on a balcony in Italy watching my wife splashing around, having fun with 2 good looking guys in the hotel's gorgeous swimming pool.
We were in Sorrento, Italy. It was hot and muggy. I decided to spend some time on my own and I was actually thinking about trying to find a 12 Step meeting in Naples. For this reason, "A" and I decided to spend the day apart and catch up that afternoon at the hotel. To make a long story short, I found a location for the meeting, but knew I wouldn't have enough time to travel to Naples by train, taxi and then return in time for supper that evening. I therefore decided to spend a couple of hours in Sorrento, just sitting in the HOT Italian sun and watching Italians and vacationers. It was great; very calming and a chance to mediate with God. I was thinking about how lucky I was.
My wife actually took me on this trip and I was able to stay sober in a country were wine was more available than water. When we checked into the hotel room the night before, the tour guide gave us a great corner room with an awesome balcony overlooking the Mediterranean Sea and the hotel's swimming pool. That evening as I sat on the balcony I began to "understand serenity and know peace" as it states in the 12 Promises of the Big Book.
That was last night; it was now time time to head back to the hotel and meet "A". I had to buy about 10 litres of water, take the train and walk up the steep hill to the hotel room. I was looking forward to seeing how "A"'s day had been. Fun I hoped. I got into the room and no "A". I waited for awhile, relaxed and tried to relax. I hoped she was OK. It must have been about half and hour, no "A", but I thought I heard her voice and she was laughing. I looked and SAW her in the pool; 2 guys and obviously having fun. My serenity instantly disappeared and it was replaced with another emotion ... maybe you can guess?
I wasn't happy and when I went to the pool to do a little "impartial fact finding". My "A" sensed that my serenity was gone ... maybe on its own holiday. She came to the side of the pool and asked me to come and say hi to a couple of her new friends, Father Joe and Father Peter. They were newly ordained priests from Toronto. I didn't believe this story at first. However, when Father Peter displayed his passport picture to me, he was wearing his cassock and cleric collar. It seemed unlikely to me that some guy would have gone through all that to make a statement.
Once my jealously disappeared, I truly enjoyed their company. We began very good friends and talked about God, my sobriety and their beliefs. I found it interesting to hear 2 guys talk about their quest to know and understand God. It was no different than mine.
That day, I learnt something very special; if I am patient and opened minded (even just a little bit), I can get to know the Big Guy in very strange ways.
We had a great vacation. Thanks for taking me "A".
Sunday, June 24, 2007
I need a good night's sleep ...
Dear Blog,
I thought I might reach out to you and ask you for some needed sleep. Ever since I was diagnosed with this monster, I haven't had a good night sleep. In fact, I haven't had a complete 8 hour period of sleep in 2007! That is a long time.
I am not sure why I am having this trouble but I am sure I can come up with a few things ...
For example, I had a major surgery and I want to discount the severity of this event. It is easier to face the fear (of the known and unknown) if I minimize the fact that I was cut open and I had a number of hands were inside my belly. My prostate was removed and my "plumbing" was cut apart and then reattached. I had to wear a catheter, I am wearing diapers, and I can't "fly a flag". Now have to decide whether or not to proceed with radiation therapy. On top of this, "A" and I had to sell some real estate and my grandkids will be leaving us in less than 2 weeks. I am moving back to Saskatchewan to a job I that I don't have any details on (yet) and to a housing market that has gone crazy in the past few months. And these are just a few of my least favorite things!
Dear Blog ... I feel better already. It does look like I have a few issues on my plate and it helps getting this information down on paper (so to speak). If I was counselling a friend, I would tell him that there are a lot of things going on in my life and it might be normal not to sleep well.
The question is, what am I going to do about all this? In the past, I would Pray for guidance and direction. I would look to see how I can become proactive. Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People are a great way of getting out of a funk. They remind me of the 12 Steps of AA. Covey's first habit is "Be Proactive". In a sense, this habit is what I am doing now; I am trying to shed the fear, worry and frustration of not sleeping. By putting my thoughts down on paper, I am giving my brain a break. I can put the issues down on paper and stop worrying. If I want to worry again (about these same issues), I can just go back to you, Dear Blog, and put these thoughts back in my brain. Sounds crazy but it seems to be working ... I am getting sleepy once again ... I will post this and try and get some shut eye.
Thanks for listening Dear Blog ...
Gido
P.S. My thoughts go out to my friends in Newfoundland who just lost their Nan (Mom and Grandmother).
I thought I might reach out to you and ask you for some needed sleep. Ever since I was diagnosed with this monster, I haven't had a good night sleep. In fact, I haven't had a complete 8 hour period of sleep in 2007! That is a long time.
I am not sure why I am having this trouble but I am sure I can come up with a few things ...
For example, I had a major surgery and I want to discount the severity of this event. It is easier to face the fear (of the known and unknown) if I minimize the fact that I was cut open and I had a number of hands were inside my belly. My prostate was removed and my "plumbing" was cut apart and then reattached. I had to wear a catheter, I am wearing diapers, and I can't "fly a flag". Now have to decide whether or not to proceed with radiation therapy. On top of this, "A" and I had to sell some real estate and my grandkids will be leaving us in less than 2 weeks. I am moving back to Saskatchewan to a job I that I don't have any details on (yet) and to a housing market that has gone crazy in the past few months. And these are just a few of my least favorite things!
Dear Blog ... I feel better already. It does look like I have a few issues on my plate and it helps getting this information down on paper (so to speak). If I was counselling a friend, I would tell him that there are a lot of things going on in my life and it might be normal not to sleep well.
The question is, what am I going to do about all this? In the past, I would Pray for guidance and direction. I would look to see how I can become proactive. Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People are a great way of getting out of a funk. They remind me of the 12 Steps of AA. Covey's first habit is "Be Proactive". In a sense, this habit is what I am doing now; I am trying to shed the fear, worry and frustration of not sleeping. By putting my thoughts down on paper, I am giving my brain a break. I can put the issues down on paper and stop worrying. If I want to worry again (about these same issues), I can just go back to you, Dear Blog, and put these thoughts back in my brain. Sounds crazy but it seems to be working ... I am getting sleepy once again ... I will post this and try and get some shut eye.
Thanks for listening Dear Blog ...
Gido
P.S. My thoughts go out to my friends in Newfoundland who just lost their Nan (Mom and Grandmother).
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Next Decision Day - July 19th, 2007
This past week I received another important invitation; I have to go a visit Dr. R. on July 19 in the afternoon. I will need to provide yet another sample of blood to see were my PSA level is at prior to this appointment. Dr. R. is the Urologist who performed my operation and specializes in prostate cancer. He also is an professor at Dalhousie University. He credentials are very good.
But probably his most important gift (at least for me) is ability to make a serious problem (like the monster) more personal. "A" and I had my first meeting with Dr. R. a couple of weeks before my booked surgery and he outlined the issues VERY clearly to me. His number one priority was removing the cancer. He would NOT perform nerve sparing surgery that would have increased my erection odds. No sir ... the monster had to go; fooling around took a back seat.
What cinched the deal for me was Dr. R. comments about his personal situation. This is a young guy, however, he indicated there is history of prostate cancer in his family. Although he made it very clear the decision was mine to make, he indicated that if he was in my shoes (and he expected to be there someday) he would go with surgery. He said this would give him the best chance to recover and this action would provide him future options as well (radiation and hormone therapy if necessary). This was a very powerful and calming statement. It provided me clarity.
Therefore when I meet with Dr. R. on July 19, I will be asking him what I should do regarding radiation therapy ... go or no go. The PSA reading and what he tells me will have a big impact on what I do in August.
If the PSA is detected, I will do radiation.
If Dr. R. tells me he would do the radiation, I will do radiation.
If Dr. R. tells me to implement the watchful waiting strategy, I will get my PSA checked every 3 months for a least a year. If a PSA reading is detected and/or increases, I will get radiation therapy.
The advantage of the 3rd option is to allow my plumbing connections the time necessary to heal properly. Also not doing radiation also eliminates the possibility of damage to the colon.
For now, I am shying away from the short term hormone therapy. But this can change if there is a positive PSA reading.
Until then, I will do more studying, meet with more people and come up with a list of questions to ask Dr. R.
But probably his most important gift (at least for me) is ability to make a serious problem (like the monster) more personal. "A" and I had my first meeting with Dr. R. a couple of weeks before my booked surgery and he outlined the issues VERY clearly to me. His number one priority was removing the cancer. He would NOT perform nerve sparing surgery that would have increased my erection odds. No sir ... the monster had to go; fooling around took a back seat.
What cinched the deal for me was Dr. R. comments about his personal situation. This is a young guy, however, he indicated there is history of prostate cancer in his family. Although he made it very clear the decision was mine to make, he indicated that if he was in my shoes (and he expected to be there someday) he would go with surgery. He said this would give him the best chance to recover and this action would provide him future options as well (radiation and hormone therapy if necessary). This was a very powerful and calming statement. It provided me clarity.
Therefore when I meet with Dr. R. on July 19, I will be asking him what I should do regarding radiation therapy ... go or no go. The PSA reading and what he tells me will have a big impact on what I do in August.
If the PSA is detected, I will do radiation.
If Dr. R. tells me he would do the radiation, I will do radiation.
If Dr. R. tells me to implement the watchful waiting strategy, I will get my PSA checked every 3 months for a least a year. If a PSA reading is detected and/or increases, I will get radiation therapy.
The advantage of the 3rd option is to allow my plumbing connections the time necessary to heal properly. Also not doing radiation also eliminates the possibility of damage to the colon.
For now, I am shying away from the short term hormone therapy. But this can change if there is a positive PSA reading.
Until then, I will do more studying, meet with more people and come up with a list of questions to ask Dr. R.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Where is the time going?
Today is Thursday ... ALREADY! I am not sure where the time is going but the days are moving along at a quick pace. It seems being sick is a full time job.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my family doctor (Dr. G) to discuss the pros and cons of deciding on additional radiation therapy.
Sidebar: I am grateful for this guy because he noticed my climbing PSA levels. I also have Grave's Disease (a thyroid problem) and need blood work every 6 months or so to check the levels of TSH, T3 and T4 in my system (Gees, as I write this, it seems that I am a walking train wreck). It was during these visits that Dr. G noticed the increase in PSA levels and thus resulting in my visit to Dr. B (the Urologist).
I had a good discussion with Dr. G. He was recommending that I consider radiation therapy because of the high Gleason Score. If my score was under 7, he would recommend and watchful waiting attitude. That is, watch the PSA and if it starts to climb, then enter into radiation. The short term key is to do a number of PSA tests and see what the results are.
During all of this information reviewing, studying, praying, attending meetings and walking Max, I am finding that my days are becoming very full. I was really worried that I would not know what to do with my time, however, this is certainly not becoming a problem.
I might have to go back to work to slow down!
Me
P.S. I am praying for you Cecile ... hope all is well.
Yesterday I had an appointment with my family doctor (Dr. G) to discuss the pros and cons of deciding on additional radiation therapy.
Sidebar: I am grateful for this guy because he noticed my climbing PSA levels. I also have Grave's Disease (a thyroid problem) and need blood work every 6 months or so to check the levels of TSH, T3 and T4 in my system (Gees, as I write this, it seems that I am a walking train wreck). It was during these visits that Dr. G noticed the increase in PSA levels and thus resulting in my visit to Dr. B (the Urologist).
I had a good discussion with Dr. G. He was recommending that I consider radiation therapy because of the high Gleason Score. If my score was under 7, he would recommend and watchful waiting attitude. That is, watch the PSA and if it starts to climb, then enter into radiation. The short term key is to do a number of PSA tests and see what the results are.
During all of this information reviewing, studying, praying, attending meetings and walking Max, I am finding that my days are becoming very full. I was really worried that I would not know what to do with my time, however, this is certainly not becoming a problem.
I might have to go back to work to slow down!
Me
P.S. I am praying for you Cecile ... hope all is well.
Monday, June 18, 2007
I think I am winning the diaper race ...
Yesterday I had a great Father's Day. I was able to spend most of the day with the grandchildren. We went to Lawrencetown Beach and got our feet wet in the Atlantic Ocean. It was wonderful!
I also received my phone calls from my daughter in Ottawa and son in Saskatoon.
Days like yesterday are worth living. They are enjoyable and remind me what is important in MY life. Kids are true legacies and being a father and grandfather is another gift I sometimes take for granted. I don't anymore that is for sure.
Yesterday also reminded me that I am improving with respect to my "peeing" capability and control. When we came back from the beach we started to get ready for our regular Sunday feast and enjoy each other's company. This was when our Demetrius had to have his diaper changed. His Mom was in the process of getting a dry diaper from his stash (diaper bag) and he then decided to "let go" again. You would have though he was putting out a fire!
When I seen this, it reminded me that I am improving. My bladder control has improved immensely since my surgery 6 weeks ago. I would say my bladder control is at 80% right now. I only need a changind twice a day from the previous hourly ritual. Thank God for that.
I am fortunate; I am winning small battles against the monster. Enough battles won and maybe the war will be won. At a minimum ... I thinks I am pulling ahead in the diaper race! You better pick up the pace Demetrius.
I also received my phone calls from my daughter in Ottawa and son in Saskatoon.
Days like yesterday are worth living. They are enjoyable and remind me what is important in MY life. Kids are true legacies and being a father and grandfather is another gift I sometimes take for granted. I don't anymore that is for sure.
Yesterday also reminded me that I am improving with respect to my "peeing" capability and control. When we came back from the beach we started to get ready for our regular Sunday feast and enjoy each other's company. This was when our Demetrius had to have his diaper changed. His Mom was in the process of getting a dry diaper from his stash (diaper bag) and he then decided to "let go" again. You would have though he was putting out a fire!
When I seen this, it reminded me that I am improving. My bladder control has improved immensely since my surgery 6 weeks ago. I would say my bladder control is at 80% right now. I only need a changind twice a day from the previous hourly ritual. Thank God for that.
I am fortunate; I am winning small battles against the monster. Enough battles won and maybe the war will be won. At a minimum ... I thinks I am pulling ahead in the diaper race! You better pick up the pace Demetrius.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Father's Day Dad
On Sunday April 6, 2003 and at approximately 7:00 PM, I was in a Halifax hotel room having a sandwich for supper when my brother Brad called me. He said: "Harve, our Dad just passed away". He then provided some details.
My Dad passed away in a hospital room in Melville, Saskatchewan. No family member could be with him at the time, however, a very kind nurse was present with Dad to make sure someone seen him "graduated from the human world into the spirit world".
I miss my Dad. I miss hugging him and I miss just being physically close to him. There were times (at the end of his life) I would just sit close to him with my arm on his shoulders. We wouldn't say much; he would smile and I knew he enjoyed the moment.
I was a wonderful spring day when we said good-bye to Dad at his funeral in Ituna. It was an honour to say a few words about Dad's life and it was especially important for me to make amends for Dad.
This was my Dad ...
"Fred was born on March 11, 1926 on the family farm located on NW 6-26-8-W2M in the Homefield district of Saskatchewan. He was fifth child born to Demetrius and Annie (nee Mohyla) who originated from the Western Ukraine and immigrated to Canada in the early 1900’s. Fred had seven brothers; Mike, John, Joe, Steve, Metro, Anton, Louis and two sisters; Mary and Angeline.
Fred attended Nanton School, finished grades 8 and 9 by correspondence and received his high school education at St. Joseph’s College in Yorkton. During his high school era, Fred was a member of the military reserves but was not called to duty due to the end of World War II. After graduation, Fred worked on the family farm, was secretary for Nanton School and had a brief employment with the Department of Highways. He had fond memories and many stories to tell about his adventures in his “bush camp” employment in Hudson Bay, Saskatchewan.
In the fall of 1953 his life was to change forever as a result of an innocent purchase of a pie at a Fall Social and Dance at the Smokeside School near Homefield. The pie was made by a 17 year old beauty named Martha. This led to romance and eventually marriage. On July 11, 1954, Fred and Martha were married in Ituna and celebrated their special day at Martha's family farm in the Homefield district. Their honeymoon was spent travelling to Ontario visiting Niagara Falls and spending 6 weeks working on a tobacco farm in Simcoe, Ontario before returning to the farm (NW 7-26-8W2M) that Fred purchased from his brother John in 1952. His farm was expanded after the purchase of a quarter section of land from his father Demetrius and another 2 quarters from Mike Mohyla.
On October 25, 1956, Fred became a father for the first time when Martha gave birth to Harvey Frederick Fedyk. Additional children blessed Fred’s life and include Mariane Christine (January 02, 1958), Loverne Bernice (October 10, 1959), Barry Wilfred (August 12, 1961), Daniel Alfred James (October 2, 1964) and finally Bradley Dwayne (February 21, 1972).
Fred loved mixed farming, especially raising cattle. He was noted for his skills in the care of cattle during the calving season and was sought after for his knowledge by his neighbours. He loved the outdoors and was widely known for his true passion … hunting and trapping. His favourite seasons were spring and fall. During this time Fred was alone on his trap lines and enjoyed hunting for deer, moose, geese and ducks in the fall. He was recognized by the Hudson Bay Company for his trapping skills and was awarded Trapper of the Year on several occasions. He was a member of the Saskatchewan Wildlife Federation.
Fred’s twilight years were spent on the family farm; he enjoyed gardening and helping his sons with farm work. His greatest joy were his grandchildren … he loved each one with a great deal of passion and warmth. They are his legacy and his was proud of each and every one. Gido will be sadly missed.
In 2002, Fred accidentally broke his hip and this required surgery. Due to his age, recovery was slow. Fred became a resident of Ituna Pioneer Lodge were he received excellent care. He longed to go home to the farm he loved but poor health prevented this from occurring until this week. He made his final visit to the farm during his trip from Yorkton’s funeral home to Ituna. The farm will not be the same without him …husband, Dad and Gido. The journey is complete and you are now in God’s hands. We will always love you."
I am now the Gido and my job is to make my grandson's cry like my son cried at Dad's farewell ceremony that fine spring day in 2003.
During these past few months, I have relied on Dad's spiritual help fighting the monster . I have felt his presence at my most stressful times. Thanks Dad for putting your arms around me when I needed it.
Happy Father's Day Dad!
Harvey
P.S. Please send more toonies.
My Dad passed away in a hospital room in Melville, Saskatchewan. No family member could be with him at the time, however, a very kind nurse was present with Dad to make sure someone seen him "graduated from the human world into the spirit world".
I miss my Dad. I miss hugging him and I miss just being physically close to him. There were times (at the end of his life) I would just sit close to him with my arm on his shoulders. We wouldn't say much; he would smile and I knew he enjoyed the moment.
I was a wonderful spring day when we said good-bye to Dad at his funeral in Ituna. It was an honour to say a few words about Dad's life and it was especially important for me to make amends for Dad.
This was my Dad ...
"Fred was born on March 11, 1926 on the family farm located on NW 6-26-8-W2M in the Homefield district of Saskatchewan. He was fifth child born to Demetrius and Annie (nee Mohyla) who originated from the Western Ukraine and immigrated to Canada in the early 1900’s. Fred had seven brothers; Mike, John, Joe, Steve, Metro, Anton, Louis and two sisters; Mary and Angeline.
Fred attended Nanton School, finished grades 8 and 9 by correspondence and received his high school education at St. Joseph’s College in Yorkton. During his high school era, Fred was a member of the military reserves but was not called to duty due to the end of World War II. After graduation, Fred worked on the family farm, was secretary for Nanton School and had a brief employment with the Department of Highways. He had fond memories and many stories to tell about his adventures in his “bush camp” employment in Hudson Bay, Saskatchewan.
In the fall of 1953 his life was to change forever as a result of an innocent purchase of a pie at a Fall Social and Dance at the Smokeside School near Homefield. The pie was made by a 17 year old beauty named Martha. This led to romance and eventually marriage. On July 11, 1954, Fred and Martha were married in Ituna and celebrated their special day at Martha's family farm in the Homefield district. Their honeymoon was spent travelling to Ontario visiting Niagara Falls and spending 6 weeks working on a tobacco farm in Simcoe, Ontario before returning to the farm (NW 7-26-8W2M) that Fred purchased from his brother John in 1952. His farm was expanded after the purchase of a quarter section of land from his father Demetrius and another 2 quarters from Mike Mohyla.
On October 25, 1956, Fred became a father for the first time when Martha gave birth to Harvey Frederick Fedyk. Additional children blessed Fred’s life and include Mariane Christine (January 02, 1958), Loverne Bernice (October 10, 1959), Barry Wilfred (August 12, 1961), Daniel Alfred James (October 2, 1964) and finally Bradley Dwayne (February 21, 1972).
Fred loved mixed farming, especially raising cattle. He was noted for his skills in the care of cattle during the calving season and was sought after for his knowledge by his neighbours. He loved the outdoors and was widely known for his true passion … hunting and trapping. His favourite seasons were spring and fall. During this time Fred was alone on his trap lines and enjoyed hunting for deer, moose, geese and ducks in the fall. He was recognized by the Hudson Bay Company for his trapping skills and was awarded Trapper of the Year on several occasions. He was a member of the Saskatchewan Wildlife Federation.
Fred’s twilight years were spent on the family farm; he enjoyed gardening and helping his sons with farm work. His greatest joy were his grandchildren … he loved each one with a great deal of passion and warmth. They are his legacy and his was proud of each and every one. Gido will be sadly missed.
In 2002, Fred accidentally broke his hip and this required surgery. Due to his age, recovery was slow. Fred became a resident of Ituna Pioneer Lodge were he received excellent care. He longed to go home to the farm he loved but poor health prevented this from occurring until this week. He made his final visit to the farm during his trip from Yorkton’s funeral home to Ituna. The farm will not be the same without him …husband, Dad and Gido. The journey is complete and you are now in God’s hands. We will always love you."
I am now the Gido and my job is to make my grandson's cry like my son cried at Dad's farewell ceremony that fine spring day in 2003.
During these past few months, I have relied on Dad's spiritual help fighting the monster . I have felt his presence at my most stressful times. Thanks Dad for putting your arms around me when I needed it.
Happy Father's Day Dad!
Harvey
P.S. Please send more toonies.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Gorillas and Monsters are Change Agents
On November 9, 1990 I had the opportunity to break out of prison. It was an internal prison that I created. It was a place that I never dreamt I would be. One that day I received Grace; it was the first day of my sobriety.
At that time I identified my problem as a gorilla. It was also a day of extreme crisis.
The past is once again becoming the present. I can take no credit for the change that occurred on that day in 1990. I consider that day a gift from a Power Greater than myself and I am grateful to a few human beings that had the courage and empathy to start me on this journey. I know I could not maintain a continuous string of sober days without some kind of Higher Power. This Power gives me the ability to say NO on a daily basis.
I have learned that a CRISIS can create an OPPORTUNITY for change. For me, it provided the genesis for correcting some of my character defects. My biggest character shortcoming I had at that time was drinking. I won't get into the dirty details but I did a lot and I was could not stop. The need to drink was an obsession to great for me. I could stop for brief periods of time and I thought I had control. But I really didn't because I always want the "freedom" that a few drinks always gave me. The obsession was always stronger than my will. When I heard someone tell me ... "Harvey, you have to Surrender to Win", it took me a while to understand this concept. It didn't make any sense but it was very true. My self will had to be smashed!
I now have another crisis ... the monster. I am looking for the opportunities. Some days I think I have found them and other days I feel as if I am stuck. It is like walking through fog.
Am I rambling? Yes, I think I am. I have cancer. This is a monster that is just as powerful as the gorilla I had to deal with in 1990. I am looking for ways to change habits and perceptions. I know one thing for sure ... I do want to stay around for a while. I guess I am struggling with the radiation therapy decision.
For now, I will enjoy what this day brings.
At that time I identified my problem as a gorilla. It was also a day of extreme crisis.
The past is once again becoming the present. I can take no credit for the change that occurred on that day in 1990. I consider that day a gift from a Power Greater than myself and I am grateful to a few human beings that had the courage and empathy to start me on this journey. I know I could not maintain a continuous string of sober days without some kind of Higher Power. This Power gives me the ability to say NO on a daily basis.
I have learned that a CRISIS can create an OPPORTUNITY for change. For me, it provided the genesis for correcting some of my character defects. My biggest character shortcoming I had at that time was drinking. I won't get into the dirty details but I did a lot and I was could not stop. The need to drink was an obsession to great for me. I could stop for brief periods of time and I thought I had control. But I really didn't because I always want the "freedom" that a few drinks always gave me. The obsession was always stronger than my will. When I heard someone tell me ... "Harvey, you have to Surrender to Win", it took me a while to understand this concept. It didn't make any sense but it was very true. My self will had to be smashed!
I now have another crisis ... the monster. I am looking for the opportunities. Some days I think I have found them and other days I feel as if I am stuck. It is like walking through fog.
Am I rambling? Yes, I think I am. I have cancer. This is a monster that is just as powerful as the gorilla I had to deal with in 1990. I am looking for ways to change habits and perceptions. I know one thing for sure ... I do want to stay around for a while. I guess I am struggling with the radiation therapy decision.
For now, I will enjoy what this day brings.
Friday, June 15, 2007
More info from Dr. H - The Radialogist Oncologist
At Monday's meeting, the good Dr. H. spend over an hour with me. He provided a lot of information on treatment options, allowed me answer questions and didn't even get mad when my cell phone rang.
Here is what surprised me the most; when I asked him how long I probably had prostate cancer, he indicated it started 10 years ago! Ten years!
He gave me a rule of thumb; men that are 40 year old have a 40% probability of having cancer. Men who are 50 years of age, 50% of them have some degree of prostate cancer. At 60 years of age, 60% of these guys have prostate cancer. You can see the relationship! If I would live to 100, there is a 100% chance that I would have gotten the monster!
He also indicated that it takes about 10 years for prostate cancer to get to 1 cm diameter size. He told me that my cancer probably started with as a low grade cancer and then progress to the Gleason Score of 9.
So I had prostate cancer since I was 40. This was an interesting statement because it sent chills through me. In the past, I sensed something was wrong. I once attended a Prostate Cancer Fund Raising dinner at the Halifax Convention Centre and as the doctor was doing his presentation, I was thinking that I was going to get this "thing". I then went in to denial for a couple of years until I got a PSA test. My PSA where higher than normal and additional results increased slowly. When my family doctor did his DRE (finger in butt) exam, he thought one side of the prostate was slightly enlarged. But I was told not to worry, the exam was considered normal. I accepted this. But the little voice inside me said I was going to have a problem. And I did and thank God my doctor was diligent in monitoring the PSA.
Now the little voice inside me, tells me that the monster is gone, but this could be wishful thinking. I pray about this every time I go for my walks with Max.
Dr. H did not push the additional radiation and hormone therapy. He told me I have 4 to 6 weeks from now to make a decision and he wanted the surgery to completely heal before radiation was done. He stressed that whatever decision I make, I need to be comfortable with it.
A couple of other facts. If I don't have the radiation now, I can have it later if my PSA starts to climb. If there is a stray prostate cell and if it is cancerous, it will release PSA (Prostate-Specific Antigen). So if the PSA starts to increase, the monster did not go away. Only prostate cells, no matter where they are ,can generate PSA, so this test will become so important in the future.
The rate at which the PSA level increase will determine where the cancer may be located. This is called PSA Velocity. If the PSA levels double within one year, then the cancer has probably spread to an area away from the prostate area. If the PSA levels double in a time period greater than one year, then the cancer is most likely in the prostate area and then I could have radiation at that time (in the prostate area).
So I will read more, ask more questions, talk to God and then to my friends (in this order). The reason I will talk to my friends after I pray to the Big Guy is because I believe God talks through people. I am not smart enough to hear God directly but I do listen to my friends.
Here is what surprised me the most; when I asked him how long I probably had prostate cancer, he indicated it started 10 years ago! Ten years!
He gave me a rule of thumb; men that are 40 year old have a 40% probability of having cancer. Men who are 50 years of age, 50% of them have some degree of prostate cancer. At 60 years of age, 60% of these guys have prostate cancer. You can see the relationship! If I would live to 100, there is a 100% chance that I would have gotten the monster!
He also indicated that it takes about 10 years for prostate cancer to get to 1 cm diameter size. He told me that my cancer probably started with as a low grade cancer and then progress to the Gleason Score of 9.
So I had prostate cancer since I was 40. This was an interesting statement because it sent chills through me. In the past, I sensed something was wrong. I once attended a Prostate Cancer Fund Raising dinner at the Halifax Convention Centre and as the doctor was doing his presentation, I was thinking that I was going to get this "thing". I then went in to denial for a couple of years until I got a PSA test. My PSA where higher than normal and additional results increased slowly. When my family doctor did his DRE (finger in butt) exam, he thought one side of the prostate was slightly enlarged. But I was told not to worry, the exam was considered normal. I accepted this. But the little voice inside me said I was going to have a problem. And I did and thank God my doctor was diligent in monitoring the PSA.
Now the little voice inside me, tells me that the monster is gone, but this could be wishful thinking. I pray about this every time I go for my walks with Max.
Dr. H did not push the additional radiation and hormone therapy. He told me I have 4 to 6 weeks from now to make a decision and he wanted the surgery to completely heal before radiation was done. He stressed that whatever decision I make, I need to be comfortable with it.
A couple of other facts. If I don't have the radiation now, I can have it later if my PSA starts to climb. If there is a stray prostate cell and if it is cancerous, it will release PSA (Prostate-Specific Antigen). So if the PSA starts to increase, the monster did not go away. Only prostate cells, no matter where they are ,can generate PSA, so this test will become so important in the future.
The rate at which the PSA level increase will determine where the cancer may be located. This is called PSA Velocity. If the PSA levels double within one year, then the cancer has probably spread to an area away from the prostate area. If the PSA levels double in a time period greater than one year, then the cancer is most likely in the prostate area and then I could have radiation at that time (in the prostate area).
So I will read more, ask more questions, talk to God and then to my friends (in this order). The reason I will talk to my friends after I pray to the Big Guy is because I believe God talks through people. I am not smart enough to hear God directly but I do listen to my friends.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Another decision required ...
When I walked into the Cancer Clinic at the Dixon Center (VG Hospital Complex) yesterday, I was hoping I would walk out a "free man". But it was not meant to be. The monster is not letting go so easily!
The meeting with the Radiologist Oncologist went very well. He indicated he would like to give me the "full meal deal" when it comes to "slaying the monster". Although my overall results are very positive, he indicated I could increase my 5 year survivor odds if I agreed to two additional types of therapy; (1) short term hormone therapy and (2) radiation therapy in the area were my former prostate resided.
The good Dr. H. indicated that the overall key monitoring signs are good; my PSA was non-detectable, my surgery margins were negative (no cancer detected at the outer limits of surgery), the biopsy of the removed lymph nodes were normal (no cancer cells were found) and the Gleason Score was downgraded to an eight (8) from a nine (9). Given these positive results, Dr. H. indicated my 5 year survival probability is 70%.
This shocked me a little as I thought it would be higher. He pointed out that his concern was the fact the monster did breach the prostate capsule (albeit microscopically). He was concerned that a stray cancer cell could have dislodged from the tumor and could still be present in the prostate area and/or moved to distant location. The problem is that he could not tell me with certainty if of or where the cancer may be. It would too small to detect with current technology.
Here is my dilemma; I have been given a probability of a 70% cure rate. If I choose radiation of the prostate area, I would increase my 5 year (plus) survival probability by an additional 15%. If I also do hormone treatment (chemical castration), my survival odds may increase by another 5% (although Dr. H said there is controversy on the benefit of hormone treatment at this time).
As with any medical treatment, there are pros and cons. The pros are obvious. The cons could be substantial. Radiation treatment can damage good tissue in the prostate area and may cause me more problems with the urinary system. Radiation can also damage the colon. There is a potential that I would have to use a "poop bag"; this certainly does NOT excite me. Radiation would consist of 33 individual treatments and would last between 6 to 8 weeks. Radiation will cause diarrhea and result in general fatigue. Hormone treatment can also cause unwanted side effects that I am not to crazy about.
My major concern is that I would be treating a possible non-existent problem. Since there is no measurable PSA, this means that there should technically be no cancerous prostate cells in my body. The Oncologist and Urologist both confirmed that only prostate cells can produce PSA. So why not wait? Well Dr. H. indicated if the PSA starts to rise in the future and if the cancer cells have moved to my bones or other locations, it will be more difficult (but not impossible) to treat.
The good news for now is that I don't have to make a decision right now. I need to completely recover from my surgery which should be done towards the end of August and I have more meetings with my Urologists. I have more homework to do; more reading and more questions. I will also be asking other prostate cancer survivors what they did and this should help me make a decision in 3-4 weeks time. My "A" and God will be a big part of the decision making process. Another Serenity Prayer request being issued!
More tomorrow. I was given some interesting facts and stats by Dr. H.
The meeting with the Radiologist Oncologist went very well. He indicated he would like to give me the "full meal deal" when it comes to "slaying the monster". Although my overall results are very positive, he indicated I could increase my 5 year survivor odds if I agreed to two additional types of therapy; (1) short term hormone therapy and (2) radiation therapy in the area were my former prostate resided.
The good Dr. H. indicated that the overall key monitoring signs are good; my PSA was non-detectable, my surgery margins were negative (no cancer detected at the outer limits of surgery), the biopsy of the removed lymph nodes were normal (no cancer cells were found) and the Gleason Score was downgraded to an eight (8) from a nine (9). Given these positive results, Dr. H. indicated my 5 year survival probability is 70%.
This shocked me a little as I thought it would be higher. He pointed out that his concern was the fact the monster did breach the prostate capsule (albeit microscopically). He was concerned that a stray cancer cell could have dislodged from the tumor and could still be present in the prostate area and/or moved to distant location. The problem is that he could not tell me with certainty if of or where the cancer may be. It would too small to detect with current technology.
Here is my dilemma; I have been given a probability of a 70% cure rate. If I choose radiation of the prostate area, I would increase my 5 year (plus) survival probability by an additional 15%. If I also do hormone treatment (chemical castration), my survival odds may increase by another 5% (although Dr. H said there is controversy on the benefit of hormone treatment at this time).
As with any medical treatment, there are pros and cons. The pros are obvious. The cons could be substantial. Radiation treatment can damage good tissue in the prostate area and may cause me more problems with the urinary system. Radiation can also damage the colon. There is a potential that I would have to use a "poop bag"; this certainly does NOT excite me. Radiation would consist of 33 individual treatments and would last between 6 to 8 weeks. Radiation will cause diarrhea and result in general fatigue. Hormone treatment can also cause unwanted side effects that I am not to crazy about.
My major concern is that I would be treating a possible non-existent problem. Since there is no measurable PSA, this means that there should technically be no cancerous prostate cells in my body. The Oncologist and Urologist both confirmed that only prostate cells can produce PSA. So why not wait? Well Dr. H. indicated if the PSA starts to rise in the future and if the cancer cells have moved to my bones or other locations, it will be more difficult (but not impossible) to treat.
The good news for now is that I don't have to make a decision right now. I need to completely recover from my surgery which should be done towards the end of August and I have more meetings with my Urologists. I have more homework to do; more reading and more questions. I will also be asking other prostate cancer survivors what they did and this should help me make a decision in 3-4 weeks time. My "A" and God will be a big part of the decision making process. Another Serenity Prayer request being issued!
More tomorrow. I was given some interesting facts and stats by Dr. H.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Off to see the Radiologist Oncologist
Oncologist means cancer doctor. Radiation means fast cooking.
Early yesterday AM I received a phone call from my Urologists Admin Assistant. She is either very influential and efficient or I am in trouble. I am going to see a Radiologist Oncologist at 8:30 AM. More blood work, more meetings with professionals and of course this means more information. More information means a decision will once again have to made; do I proceed with treatment or should I wait.
For some reason I am uneasy about this meeting. No good reason. I just have some "fear of the unknown". I don't have to make a decision (just yet). I don't have to say yes this morning. I just have to show up at 8:30.
According to my Urologists I will have to completely heal and this should be completed later this summer. They indicated that radiation can cause problems with the healing of the new bladder connections and internal incisions. Therefore the soonest I should have radiation therapy is late August.
I think the reason I am uneasy is because of the speed of the meeting that has been arranged ... just one day! In the past 12 months every time I was quickly summoned to the doctors office, it usually meant I had to deal with some comfortable news.
Fear is a wonderful emotion. I seem to be super sensitive to this God Given emotion and this has caused me a lot of trouble in the past. Not today. I will once again just walk through the unknown.
More tomorrow.
Early yesterday AM I received a phone call from my Urologists Admin Assistant. She is either very influential and efficient or I am in trouble. I am going to see a Radiologist Oncologist at 8:30 AM. More blood work, more meetings with professionals and of course this means more information. More information means a decision will once again have to made; do I proceed with treatment or should I wait.
For some reason I am uneasy about this meeting. No good reason. I just have some "fear of the unknown". I don't have to make a decision (just yet). I don't have to say yes this morning. I just have to show up at 8:30.
According to my Urologists I will have to completely heal and this should be completed later this summer. They indicated that radiation can cause problems with the healing of the new bladder connections and internal incisions. Therefore the soonest I should have radiation therapy is late August.
I think the reason I am uneasy is because of the speed of the meeting that has been arranged ... just one day! In the past 12 months every time I was quickly summoned to the doctors office, it usually meant I had to deal with some comfortable news.
Fear is a wonderful emotion. I seem to be super sensitive to this God Given emotion and this has caused me a lot of trouble in the past. Not today. I will once again just walk through the unknown.
More tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
The Six Week Follow-up ... PSA undectable
PSA results are now < 0.04 and undetectable; a very good start.
This was the news from another very young urologist (Dr. J) whom "A" and I met with yesterday morning. We also met with the great Dr. B as well. This was very good news and means that no prostate cells can be detected at this time but as the good doctors indicated it is too early to "promise" a complete recovery.
There was one change to final pathology report that was a cause for concern. The monster did break through the prostate capsule wall. This break through was microscopic and was not detected in the initial pathology report. What does this mean? I am not sure. I know that the "margins" were clean and showed no signs of cancer cells. From what I understand this is a key measure. If the margins are clean there is a very high probability that the cancerous tumor was removed completely (so I am very glad the surgeons did a "extra radical prostectomy). But because of the breakthrough there is a possibility a stray cancerous cell may have travelled someplace and is hiding.
As a result of this concern, I will be seeing the urologist Dr. R again. He was the lead surgeon for the prostectomy and specializes in prostate cancer. I will also be seeing a Radiology Oncologist within the next 2 to 4 weeks to determine if I should continue with radiation therapy. Apparently there are risks to radiation that I have to consider (damage can occur to healthy tissue including the bladder, urinary track and colon). More homework!
I have time to make a decision. I have to heal completely before radiation is considered and I will need another PSA test. In fact PSA testing will be done a 3 month basis for the next year or so and then every 6 months. If the PSA remains none detectable then this is good news. If the PSA test becomes detectable, then this will be a trigger to do something and I will have to speed up the decision on whether to proceed with radiation therapy.
Overall, I very grateful. No detectable PSA, negative margins, normal lymph nodes (no cancer collected in the garbage cans), a drop in the Gleason Score (from 9 to 8) and I am healing nicely according to the good doctors.
In addition, the young Dr. J gave me hope that my love life can be restored in time ... I could have taken this doctor home with me!
This was the news from another very young urologist (Dr. J) whom "A" and I met with yesterday morning. We also met with the great Dr. B as well. This was very good news and means that no prostate cells can be detected at this time but as the good doctors indicated it is too early to "promise" a complete recovery.
There was one change to final pathology report that was a cause for concern. The monster did break through the prostate capsule wall. This break through was microscopic and was not detected in the initial pathology report. What does this mean? I am not sure. I know that the "margins" were clean and showed no signs of cancer cells. From what I understand this is a key measure. If the margins are clean there is a very high probability that the cancerous tumor was removed completely (so I am very glad the surgeons did a "extra radical prostectomy). But because of the breakthrough there is a possibility a stray cancerous cell may have travelled someplace and is hiding.
As a result of this concern, I will be seeing the urologist Dr. R again. He was the lead surgeon for the prostectomy and specializes in prostate cancer. I will also be seeing a Radiology Oncologist within the next 2 to 4 weeks to determine if I should continue with radiation therapy. Apparently there are risks to radiation that I have to consider (damage can occur to healthy tissue including the bladder, urinary track and colon). More homework!
I have time to make a decision. I have to heal completely before radiation is considered and I will need another PSA test. In fact PSA testing will be done a 3 month basis for the next year or so and then every 6 months. If the PSA remains none detectable then this is good news. If the PSA test becomes detectable, then this will be a trigger to do something and I will have to speed up the decision on whether to proceed with radiation therapy.
Overall, I very grateful. No detectable PSA, negative margins, normal lymph nodes (no cancer collected in the garbage cans), a drop in the Gleason Score (from 9 to 8) and I am healing nicely according to the good doctors.
In addition, the young Dr. J gave me hope that my love life can be restored in time ... I could have taken this doctor home with me!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Relay for Life on Citadel Hill - Halifax
On Friday evening I had the privilege to participate at the annual Relay for Life fundraising event that held across Canada in early June. This function raises money for cancer cure research and also increases awareness of cancer health and recovery issues.
I was humbled to be asked to walk the first lap of the 12 hour relay. The event in Halifax was held within the historic Citadel fortress that rises above everything else on the peninsula of Halifax. As I walked around the track with my grandson and with about 100 other cancer survivors, the relay participants stood around the track and cheered us on. It was a great moment and also a sad one. It realized (once again) that I have a monster to deal with. Dealing with cancer is a scary, scary issue. The monster's primary purpose is to kill and it doesn't discriminate. There were people of all ages who were my partners in the first lap. I wasn't alone.
I am so grateful to the young lady who took the initiative to get a Relay Team (Gido's Monster Slayers) together and raise funds for cancer cure research. Allison, you did a great job and your Mom would be proud! I also wanted to say thanks to my other work friends who lined the first lap and gave me a hug as I walked by. They were Tracey, Leah, Norm, Wendy, Ken P., Michel, Erin, Derrick, Colleen, Elizabeth, Chris and Ray. Thanks Ray for your support and all the fundraising work. It meant a lot. The hug from Jim C was a surprise and most welcome.
And most importantly ... I am grateful for my most intimate support system; thanks "A", Gloria, Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah. Dustin, you are a great walking companion.
Finally, I wish you could have been there Max ... we would have walked circles around everyone.
I was humbled to be asked to walk the first lap of the 12 hour relay. The event in Halifax was held within the historic Citadel fortress that rises above everything else on the peninsula of Halifax. As I walked around the track with my grandson and with about 100 other cancer survivors, the relay participants stood around the track and cheered us on. It was a great moment and also a sad one. It realized (once again) that I have a monster to deal with. Dealing with cancer is a scary, scary issue. The monster's primary purpose is to kill and it doesn't discriminate. There were people of all ages who were my partners in the first lap. I wasn't alone.
I am so grateful to the young lady who took the initiative to get a Relay Team (Gido's Monster Slayers) together and raise funds for cancer cure research. Allison, you did a great job and your Mom would be proud! I also wanted to say thanks to my other work friends who lined the first lap and gave me a hug as I walked by. They were Tracey, Leah, Norm, Wendy, Ken P., Michel, Erin, Derrick, Colleen, Elizabeth, Chris and Ray. Thanks Ray for your support and all the fundraising work. It meant a lot. The hug from Jim C was a surprise and most welcome.
And most importantly ... I am grateful for my most intimate support system; thanks "A", Gloria, Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah. Dustin, you are a great walking companion.
Finally, I wish you could have been there Max ... we would have walked circles around everyone.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
My Thoughts are with you Winter ...
Yesterday my daughter called me. It was bad news. She and her husband had to make a very difficult decision and terminate the life of their friend Gordie, a beautiful Golden Retriever. People with pets will understand the situation. It is very tough to permanently depart from a loved one. It doesn't matter if the loved one is human or animal. Loving one of God's creations is wonderful and is truly a gift to be appreciated. Itis difficult to say good bye.
I am so grateful for our pets. Mine have been instrumental in my recovery from the Monster. When I first found out I had cancer, I laid down on the couch and tried to cry but I couldn't. I was numb. I couldn't feel a dam thing! However, Max, our yellow lab and Isis, our calico cat, sensed I was terrified. They came under their own free will and laid down beside me. Feeling the heartbeat of one of God's creations is very comforting and this calmed me down.
I know the Gordie did the same for my daughter and her family. They will miss Gordie terribly and they will be grateful they were part of his life.
I will also miss Gordie. For he was also part of my family and I treated him like I do with my other grandchildren. I spoiled him whenever I could. I gave him wieners when I wasn't supposed to and I let him get on the couch when he was forbidden to do so. I did all the Gido things that should be done with grandchildren.
Good bye Gordie. We will miss you. I hope you catch that squirrel!
I am so grateful for our pets. Mine have been instrumental in my recovery from the Monster. When I first found out I had cancer, I laid down on the couch and tried to cry but I couldn't. I was numb. I couldn't feel a dam thing! However, Max, our yellow lab and Isis, our calico cat, sensed I was terrified. They came under their own free will and laid down beside me. Feeling the heartbeat of one of God's creations is very comforting and this calmed me down.
I know the Gordie did the same for my daughter and her family. They will miss Gordie terribly and they will be grateful they were part of his life.
I will also miss Gordie. For he was also part of my family and I treated him like I do with my other grandchildren. I spoiled him whenever I could. I gave him wieners when I wasn't supposed to and I let him get on the couch when he was forbidden to do so. I did all the Gido things that should be done with grandchildren.
Good bye Gordie. We will miss you. I hope you catch that squirrel!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
I am not as strong as I thought ...
I guess my strength is not what I thought it was. During the past couple of walks with my partner, Max, I am finding my legs get quite achy; especially my left leg. I must have pulled a muscle last week when I was walking around Shubie Park. It seems that after about 1 kms, my left leg gets quite sore. When I rest, it get better. Guess I will have to ask the good Doctor next Monday.
My "A" keeps reminding me that I had a major surgery and I should take it easy. I guess she is right (again). It seems I have a problem with accepting the magnitude of my situation. Maybe it is denial or maybe it is minimization. I seem to be good at these things and this trait is common in people who are in 12 step programs.
Not much more to say today. I am thinking about the results of my PSA test which I will receive next Monday and I am sure everything will be fine. I am also thinking about my daughter who is having a tough day; she may have to let go of a good friend. I love you W-Binter.
My "A" keeps reminding me that I had a major surgery and I should take it easy. I guess she is right (again). It seems I have a problem with accepting the magnitude of my situation. Maybe it is denial or maybe it is minimization. I seem to be good at these things and this trait is common in people who are in 12 step programs.
Not much more to say today. I am thinking about the results of my PSA test which I will receive next Monday and I am sure everything will be fine. I am also thinking about my daughter who is having a tough day; she may have to let go of a good friend. I love you W-Binter.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Blue means Back
It has been just over 3 weeks since I had my catheter removed and have had the privilege of wearing high tech under garments (also known as adult diapers). These really are high tech pieces of equipment. I should know; I am an engineer. I was once offered a very good job with Procter and Gamble at their Pulp and Paper Plant in Grande Praire, Alberta. They made every thing from toilet paper to diapers. These guys really hounded me and when I said I said no for the second time, their Human Resources Department called me and I had to complete a 30 minute "exit interview". This really impressed me.
Back to the Future ... For some reason, I thought I had some skills relating to the high tech paper products that were manufactured by a company like P&G. But I am starting to second guess my talents. This is why.
During the past three weeks, I have been struggling every once in a while with the "fit" of the "throw aways". Some days the products fit like a glove and other times the under wear feel twisted and uncomfortable. I struggled to find out why. Then late last week, I was bored while I was in the bathroom and I decided to read the fine print on the packaging of the paper undies. To my surprise, there are instructions for installing these high tech products. Blue threads on the underwear identifies the back! Since Friday these astronaut undies fit like a glove ... every time. I guess I am not as smart as I think I am!
Back to the Future ... For some reason, I thought I had some skills relating to the high tech paper products that were manufactured by a company like P&G. But I am starting to second guess my talents. This is why.
During the past three weeks, I have been struggling every once in a while with the "fit" of the "throw aways". Some days the products fit like a glove and other times the under wear feel twisted and uncomfortable. I struggled to find out why. Then late last week, I was bored while I was in the bathroom and I decided to read the fine print on the packaging of the paper undies. To my surprise, there are instructions for installing these high tech products. Blue threads on the underwear identifies the back! Since Friday these astronaut undies fit like a glove ... every time. I guess I am not as smart as I think I am!
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