Gorillas and Monsters are Change Agents

On November 9, 1990 I had the opportunity to break out of prison. It was an internal prison that I created. It was a place that I never dreamt I would be. One that day I received Grace; it was the first day of my sobriety.

At that time I identified my problem as a gorilla. It was also a day of extreme crisis.

The past is once again becoming the present. I can take no credit for the change that occurred on that day in 1990. I consider that day a gift from a Power Greater than myself and I am grateful to a few human beings that had the courage and empathy to start me on this journey. I know I could not maintain a continuous string of sober days without some kind of Higher Power. This Power gives me the ability to say NO on a daily basis.

I have learned that a CRISIS can create an OPPORTUNITY for change. For me, it provided the genesis for correcting some of my character defects. My biggest character shortcoming I had at that time was drinking. I won't get into the dirty details but I did a lot and I was could not stop. The need to drink was an obsession to great for me. I could stop for brief periods of time and I thought I had control. But I really didn't because I always want the "freedom" that a few drinks always gave me. The obsession was always stronger than my will. When I heard someone tell me ... "Harvey, you have to Surrender to Win", it took me a while to understand this concept. It didn't make any sense but it was very true. My self will had to be smashed!

I now have another crisis ... the monster. I am looking for the opportunities. Some days I think I have found them and other days I feel as if I am stuck. It is like walking through fog.

Am I rambling? Yes, I think I am. I have cancer. This is a monster that is just as powerful as the gorilla I had to deal with in 1990. I am looking for ways to change habits and perceptions. I know one thing for sure ... I do want to stay around for a while. I guess I am struggling with the radiation therapy decision.

For now, I will enjoy what this day brings.