Flashback

Today is Saturday November 22nd and another weekend has started with a sleepover. Best part of the week for me. This morning as my little friends were waking up, I had a flashback to my very younger days on the farm. At that time, many years ago, our farm house was quite small; a small kitchen, a small living room and a even smaller bedroom. Only one bedroom for Mom and Dad and the kids (me, my 2 sister and brother - the remaining 2 youngest brothers enjoyed the benefits of a new and slightly bigger house).

On days like this, when the weather was cold, everyone landed up in bed together with Mom and Dad. Obviously it became very crowded but very warm. I remember the "safety" I felt when I was able to snuggle between Mom and Dad. So I wondered this morning as both Demetrius and Aaliyah were beside "A" and I if they would remember their sleep overs. I hope so. As I made contact with the Big Guy this morning, I thanked Him for remembering Mom and Dad and for enjoying the moment.

My Gosh The Weekend Disappeared Quickly

It is Monday AM and I have another week of work in front of me. The past weekend disappeared quickly! On Friday evening we had our weekly sleep over with Dustin, Demetrius and Aaliyah. Friday night is beginning to be my favorite evening since the kids come over and we have some fun and then have a great sleep. Last Friday was Dustin's birthday party so the evening was extra special!

On Saturday I went to my meeting at 9:00 AM and it was a great one. It reminded me of some of the challenging times in the past so the meeting grounded me for the day in gratitude. In the afternoon I spent several hours with my "A". We went treasure hunting for Christmas gifts and other things.

On Sunday I spend the day looking at Lotto tickets. This year I saved a whole year of tickets before I checked them. I put the tickets in a special place in book that Winter gave me. I thought this would bring luck and it did. I won $170 but I probably spent 4 times that on tickets (I didn't count how much I spent because every time I buy a $2 ticket I have a good time dreaming). What was neat is on one ticket I had the first 2 numbers and the last 2 numbers correct. IF I had the middle two numbers, I would have been $8 million richer! What would I do with that kind of money? Don't know but I had a good time looking at the ticket. Maybe next year?

We looked at house and the weekend was gone. However, I am grateful I lived it!

Gido

November 14 - A Special Day

Today is a special day for 2 reasons.

This evening it will be 365 days ago when "A", Max and I left Dartmouth to return to Regina. It was a 4 1/2 year adventure in Nova Scotia. I am a bit surprised how quickly this feels. I am sitting at the kitchen of our new home and still remembering how it felt when we returned to Regina. This new home still feels new (which is nice). Even though the year seems to have gone by quickly, lots of living has happened and that too has been nice. More later. I have to say this --- I still miss hearing the Halifax Harbour fog horn in the mornings!

The second reason that this day is special is because it is my grandson's birthday. Dustin, you are special to me. And do you know something? You're handsome! I would rather be close to you than hearing the fog horn. Happy birthday.

Gido

Today marks 18 years ... please don't light a match

When I opened my eyes this morning, I realized I have been sober for 18 continuous years.

This is a record for me. In fact every day is record. There is truth in the saying "One Day at a Time". In fact it took me 6575 days to get to this point in time.

I wasn't sure if I should post this tidbit of information about my life. November 9, 1990 was a special day. On that day a friend on my confronted me at work about my drinking. That lead to seeing the Human Resources Department, then going to see a Addictions Councilor and then to treatment at Pine Lodge in Indian Head. What a ride it has been so far. I thank my Program, I thank the Big Guy and I thank my "A". Without these powers in my life, there is a good chance I would not be around to post this little fact.

I hope that anyone reading this post will find a little bit of comfort and strength in my journey. Please know that "It is Possible"; what ever "It" may be.

Today I am very Grateful.

Gido

Happy Birthday Harvey Son

Yesterday (November 04) was my son's birthday. It was 28 years ago when he was born in Saskatoon. I remember that day very well. I was doing a cathodic protection survey in the Prince Albert and Saskatoon areas. It snowed that afternoon and my company car broke down about 20 miles north of Saskatoon. My co-worker and I had to hitch a ride to Saskatoon and when I arrived at the motel room, I called the hospital to see how my "A" was doing. I talked to her and she was crying "Please come and see your son".

I went to MacDonalds and bought "A" a Big Mac and went to see Harvey Son. That was a very good day.

Happy Birthday HarveySon ... I hope you had a good day yesterday. I do love you.

October 25 - Year 53 begins

This past weekend I had my 52 birthday and I am grateful for it. I so happened that I woke up exactly at 12:00 AM on October 25 (Saturday). I took that opportunity to get out of bed and get on my knees to express my gratitude for still being alive. I also thanked my Mom and Dad for giving me life. Even though they are gone, I have some faith that they heard my thoughts of gratitude.

I thought about the past couples of years and all the excitement I have had with the monster. Is it gone or is it hiding? Time will tell and I guess I will have to live with the fear.

I thought about all the good things that have happened and that I get to see family grow up. That was enough. I was cold. I crawled back into bed with my grand kids and "A". Life is very good.

Spring Time in Paris!

There are a couple of things I want to document:

1. About a week ago, I went to see the Oncologist (Dr. V.) and my family doctor (Dr. Mike) for my check-up. The PSA was <0.4> PSA. This strongly suggests no prostate cancer.

More importantly, this good news was a bit of a kick in the butt for me and leads me into my second point.

2. My daughter, God bless her heart, has decided to spend 3 months in France next spring to hone her French speaking skills. This is a PERFECT time to go back to Europe. "A" and I are planning on visiting her next spring.

Our goal is to get our picture taken at the Eiffel Tower on our 30th wedding anniversary! A nice example of visioning and I am excited. I will also be spending extra time in Paris with "W" and "Z". This will be good for my soul.

It is nice to have something to look forward to.

Gido

Zyma is here!

Zyma means winter in Ukrainian. My Winter had Zyma last Sunday (August 31). Zyma is my newest granddaughter. She was born in Ottawa and both Mom and daughter are doing just fine.

Today we are on our way to Ottawa for a week to visit our newest family member and spend time in the beautiful City of Ottawa. I am hoping to take in a meeting, eat a Shwarma and have a little Mexican food.

When I come back next week, I have to go and see my Doctor to get results from my blood test. I am expected goose eggs again, however, I think something is up. Just a feeling. Yesterday my sphincter valve wasn't working like it should. First time in a year that I had some problems with the plumbing system. I probably need to start walking Max more.

I am looking forward to doing a bit more posting while I am in Ottawa during the week. I am so looking forward to seeing my baby girls!

Gido

First Day Back

I had a great 3 weeks off with "A", Dustin and Max. Most important to me was that I knew I was lucky to be enjoying the time off and for once in long few years, I never opened my work computer or my carrying bag. In the past I would have felt guilt for being away from work. Somehow I felt I was letting people down and more importantly I needed to look into work files to remove any fear I might have.

I also am noticing this morning that I don't have the fear of "first day back" syndrome. That is nice and I am sure that is one of the blessing of having dealt with the monster last year.

At yesterday's Sunday morning meeting, I had the chance to sit beside a couple of "old timers" who also had to deal with the same two illnesses I have: alcoholism and cancer. I feel so close to these two guys. There is a "sense of belonging" that is incredible. It make me feel good.

Finally, last night we celebrated my Demetrius' third year birthday at our house. This grandson is going to be somebody great; he is a nature born leader that has a ton of energy! I sure hope he uses his gifts for "Good".

Well I better get my nose back to the grindstone. Thanks God for the past 3 weeks!

Gido

How I spend my summer holidays!

I am finishing my last week of holidays and they have been very busy. "A". Dustin, Max and I when to the west coast for a couple of weddings. My niece got married in Langley and "A" niece married the following weekend. We had a blast and did a lot of things. Here is a brief list.

1. First wedding Langley Aug 02;

2. Tour of Fort Langley;

3. Visit Gastown and Chinatown in Vancouver;

4. Ferry ride to Vancouver Island;

5. Visit North American Indigenous Games Duncan;

6. Tour BC Museum and Imax in Victoria;

7. Supper at the Masthead in Cowichan Bay;

8. Second wedding in Duncan;

9. Attended 2 meetings (second one was exciting!);

10. Return trip with Dustin and Max including camping at Grand Forks

11. Visited old stomping grounds in Sparwood, B.C.

12. See Frank's Slide.

This was a busy few days and I am glad I am back in Regina. I hope Dustin had fun. It looked like he did. I will post a few details of the vacation in the near future.

Gido

Fort Langley

Ferry to Vancouver Island

Soon, very soon ...

I will be on holidays; beginning next Tuesday for 3 weeks.

This will be the first time I have been off for a extended period of time since last year. I am looking for to the trip to the west coast, to Vancouver and Victoria. We are going to 2 weddings and will spend a week on Vancouver Island. This trip will include "A", Dustin and Max. I am looking forward to spending time with those that are closest to me.

I am looking forward to spending time with "A" and meeting old friends. My biggest decision will occur on August 10 when we are leaving Vancouver. There will be only Dustin, Max and I and we will have to decide if we are going to return on the Number 3 highway or on the TransCanada. Number 3 is more scenic but more difficult to drive. Boy isn't life tough :).

Adhesions?

I was chatting with a good friend of mine in Nova Scotia today when I realized I haven't updated my blog lately. I have been slothful regarding my commitment to posting a couple of blogs a week. To be truthful, there hasn't been very many crisis in my life.

My last PSA came back <0.4 again and this means the measurement devices can not detect any prostate cells which would be cancerous. Obviously good news. Next blood work is in September and I will most likely get anxious again.

One thing that is happening is that I am getting dull pains in my pelvic area. My good "A" has done some research and I have asked our Company doctor and this appears to be from "adhesion's". That is, there may be connecting of tissues that shouldn't be happening. My intestines may be "bonding" to other parts of my inner parts. This is a normal event and it can cause pain. What I have to watch out for is my "number 2" pattern. If I am getting plugged on a regular basis, I may need some additional surgery to release the "adhesion's".

I know more this February. I am scheduled to see a specialist and book a colonoscopy. Sounds like fun!

More later.

It has been one year since I came back to Regina

This morning I got up early and took Max for a quick walk in the back yard and park. The park backs on to our property and it is great this time of year. Max sure likes it and that is most important.

It was last year that I first seen the house, thanks to my brother-in-law who knew the person who was selling it. This was another one of the blessings of 2007; finding a good home to move back to.

I am happy to be in Regina.

Where has the year gone?

Today is July 1, 2008. It was last year in early July when I made a fateful trip to Regina to bring back G and the grandkids. During that trip I did some house hunting and was shocked at what I saw ... very few homes in Regina and EXPENSIVE!

We (A and I) were lucky though. With the help of my brother-in-law I had an opportunity to look at the house we are currently living in. I think it is one of the nicest homes we ever have had. It back unto a park the Demetrius and Dustin just love when the come over. "A" is working on her "Running Room" downstairs and it is turning our just fine. It might just be the best room in the house.

So where am I going with this? Well last year, at this time, I was dealing with my life and death issue. I really didn't care how much the house cost because I wasn't sure I was going to be here right now. I wasn't sure God was going to allow me to stay a while longer last year. I am glad I have stayed and where has the year gone? Well the year has gone by, never to return again. The year has left me very good memories that I hope I can enjoy for a long time to come.

Welcome to summer on the prairies ...

I was in North Battleford last week and I forgot how beautiful the summer skies are in Saskatchewan. The skies are "wide open" making the sunsets spectacular!

The last time I was at Jack Fish Lodge was in 2006 September. I was back to do a presentation for the Engineering Staff on the Halifax Harbour Crossing. It was a time of personal transition for me. I had a 6th sense something was wrong but I didn't know what.

As I sat on top of a hill overlooking Jack Fish Lake and enjoying the sunset, I was feeling very grateful I was there to enjoy it all. I try really hard to live one day at a time now. I really don't know what tomorrow will bring.

Today, I am busy working on A's Running Room. Whole new ceiling and floor in the basement. The room will also be "wired" for sound, making it the best Running Room in Regina (at least I hope it will be the best).

I miss my "A" ...

This weekend I am all along (kind of). My "A" has returned to the Land of Lobster to run in the Bluenose Marathon. She was really excited because my first born was also going to be there. I am so glad for them.

As for me, I feel lonely, just lonely. I miss my mate. Being together for 30 years (holy smokes ... 30 years) has to make a person feel lonely, right? Well I do. On the bright side, I have 2 roommates with me; my Dustin and my Demetrius. We had a sleep over last night; just boys ... no girls allowed and it was fun.

I have to go my meeting in a few minutes, so I better get ready and call my son. I wish Demetrius would start talking instead of pointing and grunting. Oh well, soon enough. I am sure once he starts, he will talk up a storm.

Gido

P.S. Hi "A", hope you do well in the Bluenose!

Dear Blogger ... another goose egg

On May 13, I had my one year follow-up checkup with Dr. V at the Allan Blair Cancer Clinic. PSA was <0.1;> was completely successful. Of course, this was great news. Next visit at the Allan Blair is in the fall.

However, as with any good doctor, my Oncologist, the good Dr. V indicated, it is not a 100% guarantee. There still may be a stray prostate cell in my body and it could cause problems in the future.

She also told me I should get a colonoscopy done (as a precaution). This is to test my colon. Another issue to fret about. So I will ask my family doctor to arrange this next test. It sucks getting older.

I have come to realize again that having done battle with the monster has it's benefits; I am more cognizant of the 24 hours in front of me. I really try hard to enjoy each day and I enjoy relationships. On Tuesday evening, I had the good fortune to visit with my cousin from Australia and her husband. They were in Saskatoon visiting. I went over for supper and had a wonderful time chatting and living old memories.

Best part was talking to my Aunty Anne and Uncle Joe. Aunty Anne "went back" 50 years as she told a story about me and my cousin. I was in a crib crying. "I remember it like it was yesterday" she said. What a wonderful memory for me because I could see the smile on her face as she was telling the short story. It was if we went back in time. I knew this was a good memory for her and I was part of that memory.

And for my Uncle Joe. I sat beside him, making sure my hand was touching part of his body. I wanted to be close to him because he and my Dad are brothers. When I hugged him, I made an effort to "feel" my Dad through Uncle Joe. I did. It gave me a sense that I will be OK. Uncle Joe is special to me because he always was kind to me. He was a great mechanic and he spent time with me a long time ago helping me fix a special snowmobile. I enjoyed that time so much. He made me feel special and grown up, even though I was 14 at the time.

As I Uncle Joe and Aunty Anne, I hugged them as they went to bed. I can't remember hugging them in the past but I am sure glad I remember hugging them on Tuesday night.


Thank you Cecile for creating the opportunity! I so enjoyed the evening.

"I have one year left to live"

Those were the words I heard at the conference yesterday. I sat in on a presentation by the Chief Psychiatrist of Alberta in Banff. His presentation was OK; his slides were his speaking notes and he spoke with a monotone voice. I was kind of falling asleep when I heard him say "I have only one year to live".

He was speaking about a cancer patient he met last year. He went on to explain that his patient went on to "beat cancer" and is now doing well; he will live longer than one year. This patient then went on to explain to the good doctor that he was lucky when he was originally told he only had one year to live. The patient told the doctor that everyone, at least once in their life time, should be told that they only had a one year to live. It is a gift for living.

When the doctor told is that story, I think I had a small spiritual awakening. I felt lucky to have gone through my experience with the monster last year. I felt alive and so sensitive to the spiritual world. I told the Big Guy this morning that I am grateful to be alive. I am trying to enjoy every day.

Lets see what happens!

Today in Banff

I am fortunate, once again, to be in beautiful Banff. I just got back from one of my meetings at the Banff Hospital. It was a great meeting with close friends that I never met until tonight. We chatted about our journey's in sobriety and I remembered the various times when I was in Banff.

In 1983, I was in Banff to attend a 2 week engineering training session. It was a good course however, I don't remember too much because I was still drinking. At that time, a bottle of rye a dry was the norm for me. All I remember was feeling very, very lonely.

Fast forward 7 years to 1990 and I was in sober. Shortly after I was confronted at work, I had to go to Banff for a course once again. But this time, I was sober and attending my 12 step program. The loneliness was not there anymore. The same was true tonight. I am missing my "A" but I not lonely.

Hopefully next trip both "A" and Max can come with me!

My One Year Bonus

April 25, 2008; today I am one year old.

It has been one long, interesting year since I had my prostate surgery in Halifax. I wasn't sure I would make it this long. I really wasn't sure what the monster would do or if the great Dr. R and Dr. B could be able to remove all of those nasty cells. But it looks like they did. I had the best doctors in the world!

But here I am and I feel very grateful this morning. I thanked God on my knees and thank God Max was beside me as I said those prayers.

Max was great last year. Without he, I would not be as in good shape as I am.

I also thanked God for all those folks that made contact with their God. It is a wonderful feeling to know people care about me. It is a humbling thought and I hope I can repay the favor.

I am also thankful to those who passed on; Jim C and Scott. The monster took them this past year but not before I was able to shed a tear for them while they were living.

God, thank you for the past year; it is a bonus. I hope I get another bonus year and that I can be of assistance to You and others.

Finally, thank you "A" for showing me yesterday that you still love me. It was cold and my feet were wet, but the view was excellent! It took me back many, many years.

The Big Decsions ...

Yesterday I received my appointment for my first official meeting with Dr. V at the Allan Blair Cancer Centre. That will be May 13 in the morning. Once again I am feeling a little strange about it all. A little fear and a sense of not having the same amount of care I received in Nova Scotia. The reason I say this, is that I called to see if there was any flexibility with the appointment schedule and there is none. My Dr. V is booked for months and she just arrived in Regina! So I couldn't change my schedule which is no big deal.

A friend of mine at my Sat @ 9 Meeting said that he doesn't make the Big Decisions anymore. He hasn't for a long time; those Big Decisions are left to God. I am so glad I heard that from Bill. He is so right. Since I sobered up and since I had to face the monster, those truly Big Decisions are not mine to make anymore. The sooner I accept that, the better my life will be.

Bill also said some wise words again last week. "Just because something happens, doesn't mean I have to do something"; most time I just have to listen, learn and move on.

Got to go to my morning meeting and work. I hope all my friends have a good day!

Gido

Saturday Morning Gratitude

I woke up this morning feeling a lot of gratitude. It is a nice feeling. It has almost been a year since my surgery. I really enjoy these moments of life!

P.S. Happy Birthday Leonard!

Is this the flu?

I must be adjusting to the Saskatchewan winter and spring. The reason I say this is because I seem to have a flu for about 3 weeks now. Body pain, stuffy nose and just feeling yucky most days. I am not complaining but this is just how it is.

I spent the past couple of days at a CGA conference in Regina and met some old friends and some new one. It was a nice treat to be involved with folks from across the country. I was especially happy to spend time with a very old friend of mine; MS. He has been a friend since the first time I landed in Nova Scotia in 1998.

Not much more to say today. Off to one of my meetings and then work.

Ciao

Goodbye Mr. Jim ...

This morning I found out that my good friend Jim C. in Nova Scotia pasted away from his monster, colorectal cancer. I will miss him.

When I found out about my monster last year, I called Jim to ask him if I could get together for coffee. It didn't take him more than a few minutes to call me back to arrange a meeting with me. His secret in life was helping others and he certainly helped me in 2007.

When I had my prostectomy on April 25 last year, when I woke from my surgery, the first person I seen was my "A". The second person I recognized was Jim. The third was Jim's wife. I was so touched that this business foe came to see me and wished me well. He earned tons of respect in my eyes and I think he earned that respect from many Nova Scotians.

I was this man just before I returned to Saskatchewan. The last time we said goodbye, in the parking lot of Tim Horton's on Portland St., we hugged. I am glad I did that.

Thank you Jim ... you made my decision today much easier. I need to sign a lot of estate papers with a laywer today. I wish it was with you.

I will see you again my friend.

Gido

The Last Presentation ...

I was at my home group meeting yesterday and had a chat with one of my friends after the meeting. He spoke about a presentation he seen on the web. He sent it to me and I was touched. This video reminded me of the messages I hear in my 12 step meetings on a regular basis, even though this guy was dealing with his own monster. It also reminded me of why I must continuously ground myself and remember what my primary problem is.

"A" and I went to the Regina Spring Home Show last night and I was surprised how many people we bumped into. What a nice surprise to feel comfortable in Regina once again. Everyone is so nice!

Have a look at the video:

http://video.stumbleupon.com/#p=ithct48cqw

The Cone of Fear and the Goose Egg?

This has been a roller coaster emotional week for me. It is like the time just before my belly button or AA birthdays; I get scared. Fear just comes over me and I feel paralysed inside my skin. I really hope other people can relate to this.

It all began last week when I visited Doctor M in Regina. I have known this man for a long time and he has been very good to me. He checks me for everything. Of course he knows my experience with the monster last year. It was time for another PSA test. I will get to the results shortly.

I did my blood work last week and was planning to call his office yesterday to see if I could book an appointment to see him and get the results. Before I was able to call him, his assistant called me. In my experience, it is not a good sign when the doctor's office calls you first. In Nova Scotia, it always meant something "was up".

Go back Easter Monday. I had an e-mail from my friend in Nova Scotia who is dealing with his monster: colorectal cancer. It is not good. He could not type on the keyboard. He had his wife say hi to me via e-mail.

Go back two weeks. My "A" talked to her friend in Nova Scotia. This friend's husband just "graduated to the next level" (passed away). I seen the tears and anguish on my "A" during the conversation.

So when the phone came and I heard the message, a cone of fear descended on me. I was scared to go and get the results. I couldn't believe it. Once more I prayed for the acceptance of things to come.

I went to see Doctor M at 1:30pm and another goose egg score regarding my PSA test. The PSA was <0.1 which means the lab could not detect any PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) in my blood. This means (for now) there are no stray prostate cancer cells producing this byproduct. Very good news and I feel extremely Grateful once again.

Bad news however is my cholesterol is slightly elevated. I miss Lake Banook and my walks with Max. Good thing spring is here and Max and I can start our exercise routine.

I am up early this morning thinking about that cone of fear. I need to remember that feeling I had yesterday because it can really ground me. When I begin to I worry to much about work, I have to remember how lucky I really am! Thank you Big Guy for giving me the strength to walk through the cone of fear.

Gido

Happy Easter J&C ...

Hi J&C,

I have been thinking about you folks a lot this past weekend. Not sure why but probably because I miss Nova Scotia and the good friends I made during the past few years.

This was a busy weekend for Angel and I. Our daughter and her family from Ottawa were here for the long weekend and this was very nice. We also had Easter supper with our son's family on Sunday. The kids didn't want to stay very long because they were sure there were more chocolate Easter eggs at their place.

In between all that fun, I was able to made contact with God and remembered to thank him for the moment. I forget that last year at this time, I was sure l wasn't going to be around. But I have gotten lucky I guess. Last week one of A's friends in Nova Scotia lost her husband to cancer. It is tough. I sure am glad I have faith in "Something Byond". I wish I had more proof but I think that is just the engineer in me.

Got to go to work. I will continue keep you and your family in my daily prayers.

My very best wishes to you folks,

Harvey

I think spring is around the corner

Adjusting to weather is one of the biggest changes I had to make since the move from Nova Scotia. I forgot how cold, cold really is and I forgot how nice the springs are in Saskatchewan. The big sky's and warm weather sure is nice. The past week has been great.

I am not sure what to write anymore. One of the advantages of being really sick is that the mind can focus on important issues. I enjoyed that; I really did. Now that I am back in a routine, I am finding a calmness in my days. Don't get me wrong, I am a bit worried that I am going to get addicted again to work. I found myself getting up at 4 in the mornings again working on stuff. I am not sure what I am doing wrong or if I am just not managing my work properly. Or maybe, I am just being a perfectionist again. Probably all three. I am so glad I am in the Program I am in because I go to a meeting and remember that my number one problem is drinking. If I live in that solution, I will be OK.

Now back to my original topic; I am glad spring is coming!

One Year Ago Today ... I was told ...

It was March 12, 2007 when I walked home from work in Nova Scotia, answered a phone that changed my life forever. Dr. B called and told me I had cancer, an aggressive type and that I should be prepared for a lot of hospital and doctor visits in the next few days.

I was stunned and numb. I didn't know what to do. I had to wait for "A" to come home from her work. It seemed like hours, but it was probably minutes; I really don't know. But when I did tell her, she broke out crying. And I cried too.

365 days have passed and with the help of friends, "A", my Harvey son, , my Gloria, my Winter Binter, my Justin and my grand kids, Dustin, Demetrius, Aaliyah and Bohdan, the journey was actually "enjoyable".

I prayed this morning. I prayed for strength to stay away from that first drink and I pray for acceptance of whatever the PSA test will be this year. I am hoping for zero's but praying for acceptance is the best strategy.

Finally, thank you BLOG for allowing me to share my thought, feelings and prayers.

It is so nice to feel part of the team ...

I was in Saskatoon today to participate in a staff meeting. What a nice feeling it was to have people come up to me and welcome me back to Saskatchewan and the company.

It seems like a dream. When I woke up this morning, I looked over the South Saskatchewan River and seen the "smoke" rising from the open water. I thought of Nova Scotia and had to pinch myself ... was I ever in Nova Scotia? Then during the day, at the staff meeting, my friend Norm showed his staff pictures of our experience in the Great Province of Nova Scotia. And there I was, on the screen; pictures of me in Cape Breton pulling up a lobster trap. Yes I was in Nova Scotia and I am so grateful I had the experience.

So back to reality and back to work. I am so lucky to be working with so many good people.

A Year Has Gone By ...

It was one year today.

Last year, on this day, I met Dr. B and I had a prostate biopsy. Not much fun but I thank God I did that! I am so grateful that the right people were in the right place at the right time.

Gido

Today is My A's Birthday

Today is A's belly bottom birthday! Happy birthday Sweetheart and I hope you have a great day in front of you. You are my one true friend, companion, mentor and lover. I am so happy our paths crossed many years ago in Saskatoon.

Last week when I was in Saskatoon for a business meeting, I passed by Grasswood ESSO which is located on the south end of town on Highway 11. I had an immediate flashback to the fall of 1977. That was the year I met you and I was in that "wonderful state" of love. I remembered the evening that you and I drove out the the very same station to share one of the station's famous cinnamon buns. If I remember correctly it was cold fall night but there was no snow on the ground. However, I do remember correctly the feeling I had. I felt wonderful to be with you. I felt "complete" and I remember thinking to my self that I wished that evening would never go away. I also remember thinking I wished I could have just "gone away" with you that evening. We could have driven somewhere, anywhere; just to be together. It was a good thing my 1976 Datsun was not a reliable car!

Happy Birthday A ... thankyou for taking me on a wonderful ride for so many years from that night at Grasswood ESSO.

With all my love,

Harvey

Happy Family Day in Saskatchewan!

What a nice surprise I had on Friday. People in the office were talking about a long weekend and I wasn't sure what was happening. Easter was a long ways away. Then someone told me tomorrow is a new paid holiday in Saskatchewan. It is a February break for families and a way to break up the winter. Good thing someone told me or else I would have been in the office tomorrow wondering were everyone was.

After being away for most of 2007, it is nice to back at work. I am really enjoying the challenges of the new position. There are great people in my new office. I am so impressed by the HR department of the company. They are very friendly and welcoming to the new folks. I felt like part of the team immediately.

Our last physical ties to Nova Scotia are coming to an end. The house ownership at 40 Lakeview Ave was officially transferred on January 31st. I am sure the new folks will enjoy the neighbourhood a lot. We had the best neighbours; Nova Scotians are my kind of folks. I know my "A" misses her friends a lot. It is for that reason, we consider moving back when I get the all clear from my doctors in a couple of years. We will see. For now, I am enjoying just being here and on the "right side of the grass".

I am going to enjoy tomorrow and will hopefully my little guys/girls will spend time with us. Happy Family Day everyone.

I am not a big fan of motels

This is the first business trip in my new career and although I enjoy getting out and seeing old friends and meeting new ones, I am not a big on sleeping alone. I would rather be with "A" and Max during the night.

Yesterday I met a few people that I first met a few years ago. I told them about the monster and it seemed to take their breath away. I wasn't sure they were afraid of me, but I think I hit a nerve! They were silent for a minute and then they shared their personal story with the monster. It was wonderful to share personal information at this level!

Today I am thinking about my good friend Jim in Dartmouth and my friend Ken in Regina. I pray they are ok and finding strength. That is (I mean praying) the best thing I can do for friends.

Gido

I must be finding some balance now ...

This is Sunday, February 03, 2008. It is fairly early in the morning for a Sunday and "A" and I have having our coffee and each of us are sitting at the kitchen table sending each other e-mails! This sounds silly and maybe it is. But instead of reading some of the jokes we have received on e-mail, we just send them to our hotmail accounts and they come back to to a computer only 1 metre away! She reads the joke and laughs. Then we talk about the joke.

What a nice way to spend a bit of time with "A". It was a year ago that I received a letter from Dr. B's office. It was a note that I was scheduled for a biospy of the prostate gland. This was a start to an interesting "non-normal" year for me and "A". It was easy to write to my blog ... ideas just came to me. I think that is what happens when the mind becomes very focused on a problem. I found myself closer to God, the Utimate Boss! I found little fear in writing about my issues.

Now that I back at work and falling into a routine. I am finding balance and finding it tougher to write to the blog. But I will keep trying. I am pretty grateful my life is becoming a bit boring.

The Gift of Mentorship

In early January I received a call from an old (young) friend who came home to Regina for a few days. Brent W was home from Peru were he was working as an engineer for a large global petroleum related company. He came and spent a coffee break with me and told me about Peru, the Rain Forest, gave me a picture (I will cherish) and filled me in on his work. He has grown so much as a man.

My God it was good to see him. He is a farm boy from western Saskatchewan and he asked me many years ago to become his "engineering mentor". I was (and still am) so honor to be associated with this good man. We spent a lot time together before I went to Nova Scotia and I was so pleased to be asked by him to attend the "secret" Iron Ring cerimony in Regina in 2004. These special occasions don't happen many times in life.

I am not sure why I was thinking of Brent this morning, but it really doesn't matter. He is one of those friends that are many kms away and reads my rantings once in a while. He is one the many people that has helped me deal with the issues of cancer recovery. I believe he is one of the tools that God, the Utimate Boss, has used to help me. For that I am grateful.

Thank you for making the special effort Brent ... hope all is well in Peru!

Boy is it COLD!

Today it was minus 35oC. If I factored in the windchill it was minus 45oC. In Halifax it was PLUS 8oC. Why did I move? And I am not the only one asking this question; so is my good friend Max.

Well it is good to be home with other native prairie stubble jumpers and it is a DRY cold.

It better warm up.

Gido

Another Grateful Goose Egg!

Went to the doctor yesterday AM. My PSA was <0.1 and this means the prostate specific antigen (PSA) could not be detected. That certainly was the news I wanted to hear! Chest and lower x-rays also showed no abnormal findings. Clear sailing for the next 3 months until my next blood test.

In November my PSA reading was <0.04 and it was a good thing my Nova Scotia doctors warned me that different labs may have different testing equipment. The lower thresholds could be different depending upon the equipment that was being used. The "key" they told me was to look for the "<" (less than) sign. This meant the test equipment could not detect the PSA. If I did not know this simple fact, I could have been sweating bullets!

So once again my fear(s) had no grounding. Being scared of the blood tests results were all in my head. So many times, my imaginary fears get the best of me. This is why I know it is better to move forward, get the facts and then deal with reality.

Thank you to all those who sent me their best wishes. I owe you!

I made the appointment ...

I see my Regina Doctor on Friday AM. For some reason, I fell am more nervous than I should be.

More details on Friday afternoon.

Gido

Not Wasting Days Anymore ...

It has been a year since my first visit in January 2007 with Dr. B in Halifax. I was then asked back to complete a biopsy. That day was February 26 and I remember the day well for special reasons. A couple weeks after that I received the news that I had prostate problems.

Why do I bring this up? Well because one the greatest things I have learnt is to start enjoying every day. Maybe that is called an awakening or a most likely a mid-life crisis? Not sure which one, but I know I don't want to "burn" any days anymore. In the past there were some days that I wished would end because of some reason or another. It could have been a hang-over, a tough job situation or because I was working on a home project that was taking too long for some reason. Since March of last year, I am trying not to do that anymore. To no surprise, I have found that there is one constant in my life; time. Time moves at a predictable pace; it never stops, speeds up or slows down. When I thought I was going to die last year because of the monster, I thought my days were numbered to the end of the year. This was absolutely terrifying and wonderful at the same time. I enjoyed every walk with Max, every Sunday supper and every nap.

Now that I am back working and Christmas 2007 has passed, I am watchful that I am not falling into the trap of workaholism. My "A" has warned me a couple of times this past week and I better pay attention. I don't want to lose focus. Work is important but so is enjoying quiet time, my meetings, coffee time and snoozing with my cats and Max. Gees I hope I remember this ... I probably will.

Scared to see the Doctor?

Now that I am in Regina, I think I am in a state of denial. The reason I say that is for the following reason. Last week I went to see my old family doctor to get reacquainted and also discuss my follow-up strategy. He gave me a requisition to get blood work completed and get more x-rays. I went and the tests are complete but I am reluctant to call am make my follow-up appointment! I don't want to know the results ... I am fearful that I may hear something I don't want to hear. Oh well, I will make the call today.

Yesterday I went to a 15 year birthday for a friend of mine. The meeting was a 7:00 AM in Regina and it is one of the regular meetings I attended before I moved to Nova Scotia. What a good meeting yesterday. I was so honoured to be at this meeting. There were only about 12 people present and most of these folks were with me when I joined the program. It was a neat feeling to be with people who know me so well. It is a brotherhood/sisterhood that is second to none. I am so lucky.

It was after my meeting that I realized I was scared to see the doctor. I am amazed how much I learn from these meeting. Thank you God!

Settling In

Well it has been the first full week back to work. People are asking how it is and I can only use one word to describe what I am feeling --- COMFORTABLE.

I am missing Nova Scotia charms and the people I have met but life in Regina is beginning to take on some routine and I am grateful for that. I am going to my old meetings and re-engaging with the people that helped me through many tough times in the past. At work, the folks are wonderful and the "pace and pressure" can be considered normal compared to my work addicted life in NS. But I do miss the "rush" of building things.

This past week and old friend and previous Boss and his wife came to see "A" and I. It was a very nice surprise. Mike and Beth haven't changed and are wonderful folks. Mike was one of the best bosses and mentors I ever had. He took me through a very tough period in my past and he was one of those guys who was tough but very fair. I think we worked well together in Alberta. I thanked him for all that he did for me on Friday night! That was nice and felt good.

Well I am off to my Sunday meeting. My friend Chloe is rubbing her nose on my hands and keyboard trying to remind me that sobriety is the number one issue in my life.

Gido

It Feels Like The House is Coming Down!

Oh my God she said. I think they are destroying the house. It is OK "A", they just have the chimney roof off. It is not too serious. It is the price you must pay to get a natural gas fireplace. I sure hope these guys know what they are doing. So do I says I. We will see in a couple of days.

What is this all about? Well we decided to get rid of our downstairs wood stove and install a energy efficient natural gas fireplace. It should be nice if all this works.

The procedure is similar to a prostatectomy. Cut the subject open and remove the old piece of equipment. There is one slight difference though. There is a lot of grunting and "oh-nos" flying around today. I sure hope Dr. B and Dr. R weren't whispering a few "f" works when I was a sleep. But who knows ... maybe there were and maybe that is why everything turned out OK.

Can't wait to get warm in front of a natural gas fireplace again.

Also ... one of our last ties with Nova Scotia has come to an end today. We officially will be getting a purchase offer for our home at 40 Lakeview Ave. Closing date will be the end of the month. I guess when "A" and I move back, we will have to get a house in Clam Harbour?

Gido

First Week Back

Well I survived the first week back to work! However I was lucky because it was only a 3 day week. I am lucky because I am familiar with the work surroundings and office so everything feels like home.

I am amazed how easy it is to get into an old routine. It seems like I never left Regina and it has been 4 1/2 years! Nova Scotia seems like a dream and it was a dream for me. A good one.

This past week I also went to see me old family doctor and he immediately had me go and do some blood work and take some chest and stomach x-rays. Next week I will complete a baseline physical ... again. Although I am tired of being poked and prodded all over again, I know this is the best for me. I am most anxious to get the PSA results; if all is well, the reading will be "non-detectable" or <0.04.

When I was taking my x-rays, I had a great technician who actually showed me my x-rays. He was able to show me my lungs, intestines, heart and bladder. I was able to see all the surgical staples that were left behind from my prostatectomy. My gosh there were a lot. I am surprised the alarms don't go off when I go through security at the airport.

That's about it for now. Happy New Year.

Happy Birthday Aaliyah!

It was a year ago today when I received a phone call from my son. He was the father of a new baby girl and he was so excited. I told him I was proud of him and that he was a good father for he was present at his daughter's birth. He said he was trying to be a good dad and I told him that was all he could do.

Aaliyah, you probably won't remember this day, but I can tell you that it is a nice warm day in Regina and your Gido is going to work. This is day two for me. Day one at head office was a great one. The people were I work are first class and made me feel very much at home. Enough about me.

I hope you have a great day. I am sure there will be pictures of this day.

I love you very much,

Your Gido

Day ONE of 2008 ... My priorities

Well ... well what?

That was an expression I heard a while ago and I think it was at a Roundup in Regina in the early 1990's when I first entered sobriety. This was said by a person who had many years of sobriety and from what I could see in him ... the years were of contented sobriety.

Here is what I gathered from this statement: things do happen to me and to you. Some bad and some good. For the most part, on my balance sheet, my life's experiences have been positive. This is certainly true since I decided to do some very simple things.

The first simple thing I did was get sober. Drinking was and still is my primary problem. It is my first priority today and every day. Everything else, including cancer, is second. This is the "well and the well what". I know what is my primary problem is (the well) and I know what my primary solution is (the well what). This makes me a very lucky guy ... it really does.

Now this doesn't mean I don't have other goals and priorities. Every New Year's Day, I sit down with "A" and try and come up with at least 3 goals for the year. Here are mine for 2008.

1. Ask for sobriety every morning ... on my knees and say the Step 3 Prayer. At the end of the day ... thank the Big Guy if I stayed sober;
2. Go to at least 3 meetings a week;
3. Get my PSA checked at least 4 times in 2008;
4. Go someplace I never been ... Australia in October;
5. Finish the renovations in our ensuite bathroom;
6. Always (when I see them) tell Dustin, Demetrius and Boh how handsome they are and Aaliyah how beautiful she is;
7. Always, always kiss "A" before I leave work in the morning!

A Lucky 7 Resolution List ... I will see how many are completed at the end of 2008!

Happy New Year everyone ...

Gido

P.S. And for all my "boyfriends" out there ... please make at least one resolution in 2008 ... get your PSA checked!