Mad at Max ...

Yesterday was a disappointing day for me. I got mad at the one "person" that has been an inspiration to me during the past couple of months. The "person" is Max, our yellow lab. We were going out for our 6:30 AM walk around Lake Banook yesterday morning. He always gets so ... ooooo excited when we start this routine. As we walked out the front door, he lunged and just about pulled me over as he jerked my arm.

My first reaction was anger and this scared my poor friend so much so that he cowered beside my leg. My heart sank. What is happening to me? I must be back in the early stages of acceptance once more because I have never gotten mad at Max. He has always comforted me when I have been frightened. During most recent challenge, he would lie down beside me and his heartbeat would give me hope. He has always protected my "A" as I travelled to Nova Scotia during the early days of this project. He has always provided friendship and fun for my grandchildren. Why would get mad at Max?

Unfortunately, I seem to be cursed with extreme emotional sensitivity. From what I have learnt about my disease of alcoholism, emotional sensitivity is a common trait. Also, I have been diagnosed as a ego-maniac with low self esteem. Whenever I perceive my ego is threatened, I lash out, especially at people or at God's creations that I love immensely. I try real hard to temper this character defect. I go to my meetings (at least 3 a week) and "try" and do a Step 10 every day.

So I will do my Step 10 ... I am sorry Max; please forgive me. I hope the Robbin's Eggs I gave you this morning will help.

To "A", I hope you don't read this, but if you are, I make amends. I am sorry for being grumpy ... again. Thanks for reading my recent letters and getting me on track one more time.